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A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Homage Roasting On An Open Fire...


THE PUG OF WAR PACED THE ROOM, a fresh Jamba Juice® smoothie in his hand. His brow was furrowed with concern. The Soop of Geek sat in front of a computer monitor nearby, typing frantically.

"It doesn't make any sense," Ef said and sipped from his smoothie. "Why would you and I be together in the same entry?"

Without looking away from the screen, El said, "Like you don't regularly have guest appearances in your journal from people you've never met?"

Ef considered this. Ef considered his smoothie. "Touché. But this is your journal. Why are you calling yourself 'El'? And what's with this Soop of Geek business? That's just stupid."

"It's an experiment," El said. "And a tribute."

The sound of sucking air came from Ef's straw as he drained the last of his smoothie. "I just don't think people are going to get it. Let's forget the fact that we only have a handful of mutual friends who would appreciate the parody. It's too surreal on top of that. Watching a LiveJournal entry being written by the people in the LiveJournal entry? And I would never say Touché. That's not how I roll, playa."

[I think some of you will get it. - ed.]

Ef looked wildly around. "Who are you talking to?"

"Nobody," El said and kept typing.


LATER, EF ENJOYED A HOT POCKET® on the couch while Parker Posey scratched his ears. Eva Longoria sat on the other side of him, fanning him with a palm leaf.

"Ok, now you're just being ridiculous," Ef said. "And I'd never have Eva Longoria in one of my entries." Eva Longoria rolled her eyes.

"Fine!" El said and petulantly tapped the backspace key one letter at a time. He paused and pondered a moment, then typed some more. Kate Beckinsale wiped some Hot Pocket® sauce from Ef's chin.

"Hey, that's pretty sweet," Ef said. "Can I try it?"

"Sure," El said getting up from the desk. Ef trotted to the computer and El sat down on the couch. "But Michelle Rodriguez instead of Parker Posey?"

"SHYEAH, LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPEN," The Pug of War muttered.



13:47 EST - Soopageek's Fevered Imagination
I'm sitting on the couch while Michelle Rodriguez scratches my ears. pugofwar is here, too, playing around on the computer. Pug sure is awesome. He's a swell guy. When I grow up, I wanna be just.like.him. "Very funny," I said to Pug. "C'mon, surely you're capable of something more than high school humor?" Pug looked at me and said, "Oh, like yours wasn't?" Pug typed some more on the computer and I sucked down a tasty Gold Peak tea, thought about how much I missed welfy, then pleasured myself while rolling around in a bunch of shoetree pictures. I said, "And you thought I was being ridiculous?" Pug sighed, "Ok."


ichelle Rodriguez was giving me a hickey when a horde of pirates burst into the room. They tore her away from the love bruise forming on my neck and proceeded to plunder.

"Arrr, y'scurvy dawg. Stay where ye arrrrre," the biggest, burliest of them said to me. The sword in my face was blood-stained, but sharp.

Just then, pugofwar crashed through the window; a knife was between his teeth and a 9mm was in his hand, held sideways like a true gangsta. "Lmmf th huhthey," he started. He spat the knife on to the floor and tried again. "Let the honey go before somebody gets smoked, yo." He cocked the slide on the gun for dramatic effect and snarled through his gleaming platinum grill.

"Tarnation!" I exclaimed. "You better do what he says before he opens a ding-danged can o' whoopass on you!"



"I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE SOUTHERN CHARM TO THE NATIVE," The Soop of Geek said with a chuckle. "Really. Tarnation? Ding danged?"

The Pug of War looked confused. "How did... what.. I wasn't done!" he stammered.

"You weren't really doing anything to begin with. This isn't your journal," El said.

"I can't believe I fell for that," Ef said.

The Devil walked past the open door. He curled his yellowed nails around the edge of the door jamb as he leaned his head into the room. He spoke in a raspy voice, as dark and cold as his charcoal soul.

"I FELL ONCE."


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I read and I read and I read and I kept thinking "this can't get any better."

Then I read the end involving one of my favorite Pug Of War entries.

You, sir, are all that is man.

Thank you! You're one of the very few people who I expected to fully appreciate this entry, especially the ending. I think that for anyone who has read the entry with the Devil's "I fell once" line that it probably ranks as one of their all time faves. I know it is with me. I think one of Pug's friends even made an icon out of it. Heh.

"I FELL ONCE."

That's as random as it gets. A+ entry!

Unfortunately, I can't take full credit for that. It was a re-cycled/re-worked Pug Of War joke. :)

http://pugofwar.livejournal.com/33156.html

WOOOOOOO!

You just rocketed to the top shelf of my heart!

SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT!

;-)

I was trying to post it before Christmas but I only had about 2/3 of it written and then the holiday family plans got into full gear. I finished it on Christmas Day I think. A belated Merry Christmas to ya, Pug.

It's a delightful gift.
I'm tickled pink.
Haha, there's so much to love about it.
You're a very talented man.

I had been wanting to do a parody of your journal for some time but never had any good ideas. Then I re-watched Fight Club a couple of weeks ago and it inspired me. The "flashback humor" line in the final sequence that I had somehow never picked-up on before gave me the idea to have people in an entry writing it in "real time" and arguing over the way it was being written. Your third person journal style and penchant for the surreal made the perfect vehicle for it.

I had lots, lots more ideas for gags, but the constant setups and callbacks to them would've gotten tedious and obvious after a while. So I stuck with this little five act tribute. Maybe I'll just hafta save them for next Christmas.

I'm glad you liked it. Given the inside-joke nature of it, I was basically writing for an audience of one. :)

Marvelous, marvelous.
I haven't seen Fight Club in such a long time.
It's always good for inspiration, though.

I may post something this evening.
Colorado is expecting a second blizzard to hit later today, so I'll probably be holed up here at the apartment during the chaos.
You've raised the bar!

I've yet to see a good snow this year, although admittedly, I'm glad I haven't had to be working out there while y'all are getting it dumped on ya.

Raised the bar? Pffft. I merely tried to write something as strange and wonderful as a typical Pug of War entry. :)

Jumping Jehosaphat! It's a terrific tribute and everyone loves The Pug. We just wish that he'd update a little more often, but it's good to see that in an absolute emergency, you can take up some of the slack.

Ain't that the truth. But it's about quality and not quantity as they say. I agree with you though, one entry a month is just too paltry. :)

I'm sure it takes some time for him to develop the inspiration. (Unlike me, who has to restrain himself and use filters to keep from polluting the airwaves with whatever random thought crosses my mind. Heck, I'm even considering starting a seperate journal, where I can post multiple short posts without feeling guilty and overwhelming my friendslist)

It also may be the season for us all to consider Ef because I don't remember exactly who may have been the potential recipient, but it was definitely somebody who would've understood, when the other day, I almost offered somebody a Hot Pocket® in a comment.


BTW: Also, thanks for the camera suggestion. As I posted before the holiday, I was torn between a variation on your FujiFilm suggestion and one for SuZen's Olympus. After a lot of research and way too much thought, I went with a Fuji based on your recommendation and because there was a model available locally.

The wife loved it and she hasn't stopped taking pictures. So thanks, this year my gift was a hit, unlike some of the previous years, when it'd come from a gas station/tackle shop combination at around midnight on Christmas Eve.

Glad I could be of help and I'm sure she'll love it. What model of the FujiFilm did you go with?

I finally just capitulated and bought the A700 like you got for your pocket. There were definite arguments for the S5200 and for the Olympus, but I finally decided to just give up because they had the A700 at the Kroger's, it was on sale and they threw-in a memory card. I remember that the cash register rang-up that we had "saved" $79 counting the memory card, but their starting price was $25 higher than the other places I could find, so you've got to take that savings with a grain of salt.

We haven't yet printed anything and she's only emailed, so I don't know how it compares to her film camera. But the other day she took the kids to the aquarium, along with a couple of their friends and everyone had a ball, plus the Grandmas were able to quickly get some good pictures via the email.

So, everybody's happy. Thanks.

P.S.

That's one of the best pics of My Posey that I've ever seen.
She's on the cover of the most recent issue of Bust.
I love it.

Bravo. I haven't been around long enough to get the "I fell once" punchline, but it's a pretty stellar homage.

Aww thanks.

Incidentally, Pug is well worth going back to the beginning. He's only one of two livejournal.friends that I can make that claim about, having done it myself. :)


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