It ain't pretty being easy... (soopageek) wrote,
It ain't pretty being easy...

  • Music:

Arthur, Illinois

I tried to pin you down at 3am. By 5 looks like you've won me over again. I've spent the last year watching you deteriorate. You're a likeable bully, all along it's been my mistake. 'Cause all these nuanced conversations that cried for quiet consolations with affectations of affection that stemmed from subjective rejections. But still I loved your lilting anger dissected every word you sang there. Now I know every loaded line. I've heard them all too many times, but I don't believe you anymore. This insinceitry is starting to bore me. And I can't figure out what's wrong with you. And these indiscretions start anew and I'm torn.

Looked like I'd gotten through to you but then, next day looked like you'd one-upped me again. Your machinations leave me speechless and resigned. And while I won't deny your talent, I'm gonna quit wasting my time on all these ripped up observations encasing sly retaliations, with declarations of defection from your beguiling new deception. But I still love the way you eye me. You gauge my temper, satisfy me. And you're so quick to realign, but I've heard that song too many times and I don't believe you anymore. This insincerity is starting to bore me. And I can't figure out what's wrong with you when these long confessions start anew and I'm torn.

Sarge owns me. I always find myself returning to their The Glass Intact album. Smart rock with literate lyrics without being overly pretentious (ok, so it's a little pretentious). Check it out if you have never heard it, dear readers.

Six spun the bottle but I was too afraid to try. I've been with lots of boys, and they screwed me up so I learned to lie. But he plays me records, gets me home safe late at night. He kissed me one too many times and still this boy, he couldn't see the light. But I hated the way we talked as if there was nothing really important to say, 'til I noticed how he stuck around every time I wished he would stay. This could turn out fine if I'd shut up and let things be okay, but I thought that while we laid in his bed.

Indiana and Ohio are getting really old. For the past two months it is all I've seen except for the occasional dip into Illinois, which is worse 'cos then I have to deal with Chicago. I got stuck in a traffic jam on the Tri-State tollroad in Chicago the day before for over an hour and moved 10 miles. I hate Chicago. I haven't protested too much since I've been home every weekend in all that time as well and I have wanted to be for one reason or the other. This coming weekend is no different - I'm helping my sister and brother in-law move into their new house. So maybe after this weekend I can beg for a west coast run, or down south, just anywhere other than these two god forsaken states.

I like the fast songs best and I think she likes me, too. I like the fast girls best, they do whatever they wanna do. And I couldn't find the words just then but I thought of her the whole way home when I should've been thinking of you.

I was thinking, we refer to going "up north" and "down south" which is obvious, since north is usually oriented "above" south on a map, but I find it interesting that in America. we like to say "out west" and "back east". It's interesting because this is an obvious reference to our "manifest destiny" of expansion from east to west, yet today, over 100 years after settling the west, it still persists in our language today. We go "out west" suggesting that we are leaving some center or starting point and have to go "back east" to return there.

So now I take the phone to bed at night, to catch your calls and pick my fights. I'm not being fair. See I don't want to waste your time and it's not that you're waste of mine but I'm getting scared... of all the little things that smoldered in the spring. You're only half as far as I need to go.

I heart my cell phone!!! I used to say i didn't ever need to be so connected to people that I needed a cell phone, but with the amount of time I spend away from home these days, it has become almost necessary. I'm still a bit uncomfrtable being a "person who owns a cell phone" but I think of it more as a phone for my truck :).

My apologies to hamsterbong for hijacking the writing style she uses commonly in her journal with the italics and song lyrics. I owe you some trucker lovin' I guess ;-)

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