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Jason impressions: The Internet
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soopageek
As a result of a comment to ajgeurtz in the Cracker Barrel entry the other day, I was inspired to try my hand at doing a Jason impression.  Obviously, this is comedic hyperbole, but I think you will agree, it has a basis in reality.  I call this one:

"Jason Explains the Internet"


I saw this show, on the Discovery Channel once, where they had these typewriters with little TV's that sat on top of 'em.  Do they have the Discovery Channel where you're from? I think they costed about three thousand dollars! And people wrote things on them and stuff.  Yeah, about three thousand... maybe 900 dollars.  And they use the Ty-uh-TV, mm-writers to talk in ciphers.  You ever hear of anything like that? They said something about "cipher space" or something.  And I think I remember ciphers being like secrets, only not letters, but 8 numbers you can't hear.  But we don't have anything like that in Harrisburg.  Do you know James Berman?  He had a TV repair place in Harrisburg, but he was from Aynisscratch, Illinois.  I thought he might've fixed your TV one time because he had a goldfish he bought at the State Fair in Louisville 6, no, maybe 15 years ago.  He went to ITT Tech, or maybe MIT to learn engineering on TV's and he says they have this inner net that catches everything you type to send it overseas and the goverment's worried about pirates.  I didn't even know they still had pirates, did you?  We sure don't have anything like that in Harrisburg.  It sounds sorta scary, 'cos the pirates have viruses that infect the males with worms, which sounds kind of gross, ha ha.  And I think it must only infect the really strong guys who work-out and stuff because he said the worms were in "he-males".  He said the worms can travel the whole world in a couple of hours without dying.  I guess that's 'cos of all the oceans being wet.  That's why the government is building the Reformation Super Highway to cross the oceans safe and not have to worry about pirates and worms.  Someday, like maybe next year, you'll be able to drive from here to China, or Canada or something.  I think that'd be kinda wild, ha ha. To be able to drive to Canada?!?!!




I think I hurt myself.

I would, however, entertain the idea of taking requests for things you'd like to hear Jason explain.
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that hurt my brain to read... I think I got stupider :)
keep up the good work

Please have Jason explain a little automotive maintenance

Is Jason single? I tend to attract people like this. I'm surprised I haven't met him already.

He is single. Want me to slip him your digits? ;-)

***FALLS OFF CHAIR LAUGHING WILDLY, DOING HIMSELF A BACK INJURY***

I'd really like to hear Jason's opinion on what's (alledgedly) worse, strippers or prostitution. From a moral standpoint, social standpoint and personal point of view. What are the negatives and positives in each ??

Or maybe, just give me directions to the corner store even....lol

Jc

Oh wow. The prostitution/stripper idea has some possibilities, although I don't know if I could conjure something in as much detail as you suggest. I do have my sanity to think about.

Sheesh, I can't even begin to think about Jason following directions, much less, giving> them.

Seeing as I got no sleep at all last night, I think i'm at the point where I could make any weird and wonderful, turgid/twisted scenario come to life. Too much sun, too much heat, too little sleep, ugghh....

Jc

You talk of the Jasonismns, well, I think my latest two posts might top the cake. This morning/yesterdays and this afternoons.....Nothing but..mindless, oxygen thieving, eyes wide shut, dear with no eyes, no eyed dear kinda attitude....all day....

Jc

OK. That hurt. Not necessarily the actual task of reading the entry, but the horrible pain in my stomach from laughing so hard. And sitting here reading it at work probably didn't help at all. :)

Now that you wrote that, I'd be interested to hear what Jason thinks of the internet. Sadly, you may not be too far off in your impression. ;)

I think I just peed myself...

(Anonymous)
...not to mention that I can't breathe, all from laughing so hard.

I second the request for Jason's take on stripping vs. prostitution... or maybe just his rambling about porn movies (I'm sure you would thoroughly enjoy working that topic)! ;-)

Azazel

Re: I think I just peed myself...

Wow, another comment from Teh Az... have you been a silent stalker all this time a long with Boz or have I made a fan out of you...

I told Boz once he oughta create an LJ account just for reading, so when i reply to comments he left he could get e-mails of the replies... maybe ya'll should start one together... :)

Excuse me...

(Anonymous)
...I don't "stalk", I lurk ;-)

Robert did recently inform me of the "Jasonisms" entries, so I decided to see what all the excitement was about. Of course, you have always been on my favorites list ;-)

The account idea is intriguing... we'll see...

Az

That is fucking hilarious! Did you transcribe all of that as he said it? Damn. If you say yes, all I have to say is "Damn!"

I love this Jason guy. He's acquiring fans and he doesn't even know it!

Or does he???

In this case, this was an "impression"... a complete fabrication. I basically took a lot of Jason's speech patterns, the manner in which he views the world, and his penhant for confusing facts then concocted a what-if scenaio and then blew it out of proportion for comedic effect.

Heh, that "Jason fan club"

Maybe I should start a web-site called "jasonexplains.com" or a joke-blog presumably written by Jason.

Maybe I should start a web-site called "jasonexplains.com" or a joke-blog presumably written by Jason.

Seriously, if you have the time to do it, you should. I told you.. Jason NEEDS a livejournal. He's such a wonderful inspiration for a good joke blog.

Yeah, I've given it some consideration, but I don't know how well the humor would transfer. In the case of doing it in my own journal, you good folks are already familiar with me and I've kind of built-up the entire persona to this point. I don't know. I'm mulling over various web-publishing ideas, I just haven't decided which way I want to go, yet. After writing that the other night, I've got an idea for using the Jason persona in conjunction with another idea I have. Just don't know if I'll go that way at the moment. :)

By the way, I'd like Jason to try and explain his views on foreign politics.

Hoo lawdy... you're trying to kill me aren't you?

Oh wow. I *heart* you. That was great.
I'm curious as to his explanations of very simple things too, but can't think of anything at the moment.
Why is the sky blue?

Oh man. I'm already starting to hear that one in my head... mixing-up words like refraction and reflection. Maybe I'll try my hand at that one.

Words can not explain how hard I just laughed. Holy Jesus, that was great!

Next year, we must drive to China! Isn't Johnny Depp from Ky? Does that mean that we DO have pirates in KY? That's kinda scary. At least there are no worms. I think I am allergic to worms. Or Canada!! Can you imagine being able to DRIVE to Canada? Unimaginable, I tell ya! OMG Maybe after they build the super highway we can travel to all of the Cracker Barrel restaurants in the world. There are only like... 3 though, right?

i'm a jason fan, but i may be the only person here who thinks you've gone too far. :)

ps - your layout for comment posting is damn nigh impossible to read on my laptop when i'm outside having a smoke.

no, i think i'm with you on this one - he's gone too far - all hope is lost. jason is hilarious, yes, but i think this proves that soopa really doesn't drive a truck at all and is actually just sitting at home finding pictures of shoe trees to post here. and masturbating while looking at the shoe trees. or maybe he's in jail.

either way, soopa, you've got wayyyy too much time on your hands. ;)

Heh. Acutally, that was kind of my intention, to take it too far. This is morphing into something larger than just poking fun at my truck companion, but more of a character development. The impression was based on Jason and some of his idiosynchrosies, but it's obviously an outlandish characterization... flexing my writing ability, so to speak. Which brings me to something I have been wanting to ask you. I've made mention of toying with various ideas for a web-publishing venture, but, I really don't want to be the sole entity. I have some very good and funny writers amongst my lj-friends, in which I would include you. My idea, as it were, is to create a web-based news source, whereby the writers working (well initially, volunteering) for the site would pick daily/weekly news articles off of AP, Reuters, etc. and then translate them through the filter of a character. Something akin to The Onion, providing commentary on the media and current events through satire and comedy, but not making things up: just taking the straight news story from whatever source and writing it in the words and style of whatever character, as if THEY were the actual reporter composing the article.

I'm thinking of fleshing out this "Jason" (or whatever I eventually name him) character toward that purpose. The reason I thought of you was based on your ballerz, toaster-oven character from your quiz. That was a scream and he deserves to fleshed-out as well, IMO. So, I guess my question is, would you be interested in entertaining such an idea? If not the ballerz dude, perhaps someone/something else? At the upstart, it would totally be on a volunteer basis and everyone would work at whatever pace is comfortable for them, as we all have real jobs and time constraints. But I think it's an idea with possibility.

In regards to your p.s.... yeah, well, you're m3u's never work! I've been meaning to tell you that but keep forgetting. As for my layout, yeah, the background is a bit too dark and the type too light for bright lighting.

I'd like him to explain how the electoral college works.

this. was. comedy. gold.

Aww gee thanks.

Incidentally, I'm going to be in Boston on the 20th. It is my intent to bring you all my old ROM's I have no use for any longer, per our discussion a couple of months ago. There's about 200 ROM's on spindles. Some of them have errors in them which prevent copying particular folders/files from the disc while others will copy just fine. Some of the discs have zero errors in them (the ones I burned with Nero). If I were to venture a guess, I'd say that 85% of the information on the disc collection is attainable. I've already completely re-burned these ROM's into duplicate sets, so I really have no use for them. I was just holding onto them as a "third" backup, just in case. Your hard drive fiasco trumps the remote possibility I would ever need them, so you can keep them until you're done getting what you want then do whatever you want with them. Trash 'em, give 'em to someone else, I don't care. I've got a master list of that ROM-set I'll e-mail to you as well, so you can just browse through that without having to go disk-to-disk. Did you notice how cleverly I constructed the entire paragraph in a public entry so that only you and I know what the hell I'm talking about? ;-)

Also, I've been meaning to ask: everything working ok with the e-mail addy since the move? I never heard otherwise so I assume everything is fine. Since I use POP3 for my accounts, I really don't know how well the webmail interface works, so I thought I'd ask.

this is awesome.

he reminds my of my ex sister-in-law. she asked me once how hawaii kept from just floating away. "what is it connected to?" i told her a big rope from california and that's why cruise ships didn't come to us. they never knew where hawaii would be swinging to from day to day.

Hahah. It is tempting to fill empty minds with incorrect information... but I try not to succumb to the power of The Dark Side.

Oh. My. Goodness.
My head hurts.
I need to lie down.

Sheesh.

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