Contrary to loose-lipped rumor and tawdry speculation, a certain dork and I have not been conversing daily until god-forsaken hours of the morning. Furthermore, I did not, I repeat, did not clandestinely meet with her briefly in Pennsylvania for a second time last weekend. In addition, the completely absurd notion that this dork and I have anything in common, not to mention a bit of the hots for one another, is an afront to my general sensibilities and sullies my fine, genteel reputation. Don't be fooled, friends, she is not funny, intelligent, or charming: these are not qualities you find in a dork. In closing I would like to say I am personally filled with deep, vile shame for each and everyone of you and I hate you all.
This entry contains six sentences and only one of them is true.