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skanks for the memories
Location: Annapolis, MD

I'm jarred awaked by the familiar sound of someone knocking on the door of the truck.  I never know what time it is or where I am and tonight is no different.  That sound usually begins my day, when the customer is ready to receive my delivery.  I always jump out of bed and lurch forward into the cab, never sure how long they may have been pounding on the door trying to rouse me.  The fact that it's still dark outside is curious.

There's a woman standing on the steps of the truck.  She beats on the window some more as I move into view from the sleeper.  She's blonde, probably in her early thirties with an angular, Uma Thurman cut to her features, wearing a blue, button-down blouse and jeans.  Getting my bearings, I remember I'm not parked at a customer but in an empty parking lot across from Sharky's Rock'n Bar & Grille.  Nearby is a Days Inn with a free wifi, the reason for my locale.  I let the window down, not sure what to expect.  The only thing I can think to say is "Yes?" and she immediately begins a drunken babble that is completely indecipherable. 

I then notice, standing off to the side, a guy in khaki shorts and a white polo shirt standing maybe 30 feet away watching her.  He tries to say something to me, but I can't hear him over the engine of the truck.  She steps down and away from the truck, still babbling.  He doesn't budge.

I let the window back up and retreat into the bunk.  It's 1:45am according to my alarm clock and I have to be up in a few hours.  She bangs on the truck door, some more, while he watches.  I figure I could insist he remove his drunken date from the truck, but this is way more entertaining, so I decide instead to sit in the dark recess of the bunk and watch the show.  I figure it's going to be a pretty good one.

You have no idea.

She steps back pedals away from the truck and loses her balance, falling backward into a seated position onto the asphalt.  She sits there for a moment, then throws herself completely onto her back very dramatically, lying there.  The guy finally moves toward her and kneels down to comfort, check on her, whatever.  This infuriates her and she springs back to life, standing.  She begins screaming at him and flailing her arms about.  She storms away from him, over to the front of the truck.  Here she stays for a while.  Sometimes she approaches the front of the truck, running her hands over the top edge of the hood.  Other times she backs away, raising her arms outstretched from her sides like she's being crucified. 

She grabs the bottom of her shirt and lifts it high above her chest, revealing a black bra.  She holds it there for a while, the other arm still outstretched.  I know she can't see me in the dark, but I guess she knows I'm watching.  The dude just stands off to the side watching her.  This goes on for maybe 10 minutes then she approaches the side of the truck again, beating upon the doors some more.  For the next 45 minutes they are out there, him watching from the outside, me watching from the inside.  She spends most of her time on the side-step, occasionally knocking on the side of the truck or tapping the glass.  She looks at herself in the long side mirror, talking to herself.  She's an attractive woman, at least physically.  Her antics surely aren't.

After a while she grows bored and wanders away across the parking lot and he follows her.  I grab the laptop and draw the curtains of the sleeper to start composing this entry.  I figure if I don't draw the curtains, the glow of the monitor will only bring her back like a moth to light.  Earlier, when she had been on the side step, if she placed her face close enough to the window and yelled loud enough, I could hear her voice rather clearly in the cab, even if I couldn't understand a thing she was saying.  So while sitting here in the sleeper, I wasn't surprised to hear her voice again.

Only it was much, much clearer this time.  And louder.  But...  that's impossible, I thought to myself.  The doors are locked, the windows are all up.  I had double checked earlier.  I decided that I should probably take a look outside again, since it sounded like the show was getting interesting again.  I slowly unzippered the curtain to peek out.

Somehow, she had managed to get her fingers into the driver-side window and PULL IT ALL THE WAY DOWN.  Not only that, she had CRAWLED INTO THE TRUCK.  Her legs were still sticking out the window and she was lying belly-down across the driver seat.  Her head was hanging down toward the floor between the two seats and she was looking with fascination at the Qualcom keyboard glowing green in the darkness.  The dude was standing on the stepboard by her legs, looking about as dumbfounded as I was.  The cab wreaked of perfume.

He started apologizing profusely.  It had now been well over an hour since this whole ordeal began and somehow he had lapsed long enough in baby-sitting his drunk girlfriend for her to crawl into the window of a semi-truck.  I turned on the light so I could see.  Her pants we sliding off of her.  I quickly deduced why as I tried to unlock the door so we could get her out of there.  She had snagged them on the lock as she crawled through the window.  I pulled the lock pup and got the door open.  He caught her legs as she twisted around.  But she was still hanging on the lock!  She now had her back lying across the seat and she was looking up at me while he held her legs.  In the light and up close, she looked a bit more like Rosanna Arquette I decided.

I was trying to explain to him that she was caught on the lock but he wasn't listening or couldn't hear me.  He just kept trying to pull her down.  I kept explaining we would have to lift her up first to get her unsnagged from the lock, her weight was keeping her hung on it.  He with her legs and I with her arms, we managed to lift her high enough to get her unsnagged.  He lost grip of her legs though and she tumbled down the side-step to the ground.  I held onto her arms as she fell.  I managed to keep her from banging her head on anything.  She kept looking at me the whole time, wild-eyed.  She was talking to me the whole time, too, but I don't remember anything she said, or if it was even intelligible.  I was just trying to keep her from hurting herself.

He apologized some more and led her away.  The entire time I've been sitting here writing this, the cab rocks back and forth every now and then as she clambers back onto the truck and beats on it some more.  It is now nearly quater 'til 4.  This has been going on now for TWO HOURS.  I suppose I could call the police or something, but this is actually rather entertaining.  Maybe I'll go sit up front, roll down the window, and have fun talking to a drunk bar skank.

Edit To Add: After posting this I checked back on our drunken couple. His polo shirt was completely ripped open down the front and he was picking up articles of clothing around the parking lot. She was sitting just outside the driver window on the ground, leaning against a chain link fence. I chatted a bit with deviantbreed and bustednut and checked on them again. They were arguing but you could tell she was becoming exhausted. She stormed away from him one last time and climbed up on the truck step again. He was still talking to her. She half-heartedly tapped on the glass again then stepped back down. The talked another minute or so, then he turned his back toward her and stooped down, throwing his arms backward in the universal sign sign of "jump on". She did and rode him piggy-back to the car and they drove off into the night. It's now quarter past 4. I have some mirrors to straighten-out and a truck to look over. Then I'm going to get a little nap. Gotta be up at 6.

God I love this job.


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I love loud and unselfconscious drunks so much.

uh did she ever manage to semi-coherently explain why she was so hellbent on getting into the truck?

It sounds as if you had an eventful night and I hope it was nearly as entertaining to live through, as it was reading about it. Of course something that struck me is that you locked your doors in Annapolis, but not in NYC. I would presume that a drunken Rosanna Arquette might be somewhat more enjoyable than a thief, but I guess you've been forced to adapt.

Heh, I've been more vigilant about locking my doors because of what happened in NYC. Although if drunken Rosanna Arquettes were breaking into my truck every night, I might would consider leaving them unlocked in the future! ;-)

I'm sorry you weren't able to capture the through the window portion of the evening with your camera. And riding piggy back into the night was the perfect ending.

Heh, I didn't quite have the presence of mind to think "Hey! Photo op!" It was more like, what the fuck is this chick doing in my truck?!?!

why the hell do i never have cool stories like this?

i need to become a trucker.

Ahhh, life on the road.

And I bet you have some cool stories to tell. All hedonists do. ;-)

Dude, that's priceless. Since West Memphis, Arkansas (the crossroads of interstate commerce)is right across the river, I frequently sojourn over to the various truck stops to observe "Lot Lizards". These are women that are hybrids of your typical meth-spun prostitute and Harley-Davidson enthusiasts.

They infest these truck stops like lice. It's wonderful. I like to go into the area where the public showers are located because they flock around them, waiting for some overweight, mulleted trucker to wonder out. Nothing turns on a lot lizard like a freshly washed, mullet and clean acid-washed jeans. Oh, don't forget the massive amounts of Brut or Old Spice that these guys splash on themslves.

hybrids of your typical meth-spun prostitute and Harley-Davidson enthusiasts

niiiiiiiice :)

damn. I was so hoping for pictures behind that cut tag.

Oh, I had the camera out. But I was too self-conscious about setting off the flash. I tried cranking the aperture wide open and delaying the shutter but it was just too dark to get anything without using the flash.

im completely confused. why was he just sitting by during all this?'
cant a man control his bitch?

Yeah, I was a little perplexed by this, too. I mean, I think the whole thing was that she probably caused a scene in the bar so he got her outside to take her home but she refused to get in the car... so he was trying to wait her out. But it's not like she was very big... he certainly could've picked her up and put her in the car... I guess with the scene she was trying to cause he was too afraid of the cops coming along and getting the wrong idea? I dunno. Judging from the condition of his shirt by the end of the night, it looks like she was giving him hell.

Part of why I friended you is that I miss the road, and I hoped to live vicariously through the pics & stories you share. (The other part is that you've got one of the best bios I've seen on lj) However, this is one adventure I certainly don't envy!

I'm impressed that you could keep your sense of humor through the whole thing. Hope you're able to catch up sleep before you have to move again.

I managed to get a few hours of sleep.

Why were you "on the road"?

As for the bio, thanks... although I've been thinking of changing it just because it's been like that for three years now. It's starting to annoy me. :)

And it's stories like those that are the reason I like to be the sober d.d. at bars / parties / etc. I LOVE people watching. I would have sat there for hours watching at them and laughing. :)

Oh me too. I love watching people. I had a blast watching those two last night that's for sure. I was't getting any sleep with her banging on the truck, so I figured I might as well get some entertainment out of it.

Holy shit this entry was hilarious.

And it figures the night I go to bed at 10pm is when this all happens!!!
(I slept for 13 hours, by the way...I feel dead)

Am I going to have to bring a skank stick when I come with you?

Yeah, usually it's like 3 hours of me going "I really need to go to sleep." until absurd hours of the night. What's up with that?

Who says I want help fighting off the skanks?

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LOL. That's the best. Crazy drunk people. I don't know a thing about them. ;-)

I had a dream with you in it last night. I hope to jot it down soon. Work is being a pain in the ass this morning, what with all the work.

Hopefully it involved kinky outfits and Vince being insanely jealous. ;-)

If I ever get out to Santa Rosa again, we all need to go drinking again. That was fun.

I especially like the commentary on her being pretty, but not attractive. You hit the nail so VERY hard on the head on that one. That's actually a bone I have to pick with most people.

You may be nice to look at but, shhh...don't ruin my fantasy.

(Of course, for me to fantasize about someone they have to be smart. Otherwise it's just not sexy. I'm a bit strange that way.)

yeah. there's this girl that was a friend of my roommate sarah a few years ago, she was a stripper... very pretty girl.

and then she'd open her mouth and say something. uggggh.

So what Guns 'n' Roses or Van Halen lyrics would describe this situation?

"You're fuckin' crazy," for starters...

"with your bitch slap rappin' and your cocaine tongue, you get nothin' done..."
-You Could Be Mine

Talk about fallin' out of your head! I love your description of it. I soooo need to be a trucker someday. I had no idea there were so many free sideshows out there!

oh man, you get all kindsa shows out here... although, not all of them as wild as this one.

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