soopageek

Something occurred a couple of weeks ago which I cryptically alluded to in an entry, not long after it transpired.  I've been wanting to write the entry which follows ever since then, but haven't had the time.  So here it comes, cut for those who'd rather not read about it.  All I can say is, if you click on it - don't say I didn't warn you.  Hopefully after this entry, I can return this journal to some semblance of its former self.



Two months ago I met welfy for the very first time.  Welf and I tease each other about how this all began.  She friended me in mid-May as a result of her visit with mandy_moon in Boston, whom I had just visited a week prior.  Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I noticed a friendly interest in the form of playful livejournal comments.  I knew that she lived somewhere in Western Pennsylvania but I didn't know exactly where.  I thought it would be nice to meet her, or if nothing else, learn whereabouts she lived for future reference, as I pass through the area with some frequency.  So when I made this entry,  it was specifically designed for her benefit.  As you can see from the comment thread, only one person was interested in replying to it.  The thread ends rather abruptly, too...  as we began IM'ing each other in an effort to co-ordinate our first meeting that night.

While it's true I may have orchestrated the initial meeting to a large extent, I never anticipated anything other than meeting another new livejournal friend.  Sure, I thought Welf  was an attractive and interesting young lady, but I never imagined she would be interested in me as anything other than a livejournal.dot.friend.  The next day she wrote a Livejournal entry laced with innuendo, but I wasn't sure how much of it was directed at me.  Later, in chat, she admitted having been attracted to me that night. 

Whoa.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, just to set the record straight - she seduced me - and over the course of the next several days a full-fledged internets affair was begun via Livejournal and IM.  It was a scant five days later that I left this cryptic entry about our nightly, flirtatious chat conversations.  Throughout the rest of June we met a couple of more times while our interest in each other grew every day.

To be honest, I didn't expect much more than some crazy summer fling to arise out of this.  It actually was my intent as things began to heat-up - I just couldn't see how anything much deeper could evolve given various prevailing factors.  I wrestled with this internally and in the confidence of some people close to me.  I didn't want to be the cause of someone getting hurt.  I decided to throw caution to the wind and proceed - we're both big boys and girls and should be responsible for our own feelings in this, I concluded.

There were bumps in the road at the onset,  which could have easily caused this whole precarious affair to veer off-course before it had a chance to really get going.  There are certainly much larger ones on the horizon.  There is the constant physical distance between us, both geographically (300+ miles) and the realities of my vocation (on the road nearly 300 days out of the year).  There is also the considerable gap in our ages (13 years).  But these are only so many numbers.  Alone in a world of miles and days and years a heart will resist, but together hearts will conspire.  They have their own math.

Two weeks ago in a tangle of arms and legs where every breath of quiet conversations are felt as well as heard, confessions were made.  Quite unexpectedly, I have fallen in love. 

I don't know where this will go - but I do know where my heart is.  Even when my head thinks it's absofuckinglutely insane.