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The Big Red incident
Location: Carlisle, PA

Now that tpbrcombo has received his package, I have some explaining to do.  A while back, he mentioned that he loves Big Red chewing gum, but was unable to get it imported into the land down under from a food company through which he was placing an order.  I thought it'd be nice to send him some, and had acquired a couple of Plen-T-Pak's for him.

Then, I went to welfy's that weekend.  I mentioned it to her and thought that it'd be a little easier if she took care of getting it to the post office than it would be for me to try and do it from the road.  A couple of weeks went by and I just assumed Welf had mailed the package.  She has a tendancy to procrastinate sometimes though, so when I visited her again a couple of weeks later, I thought I'd bring it up.

When I knocked on the door, Welf's mom greeted me and welcomed me inside.  She said that Welf was in her room so I headed down the hallway for it.  What I saw when I entered, was shocking.  I appreciate tpbrcombo's discretion; not mentioning in his entry today that one of those Plen-T-Pak's only had one stick of gum in it.  But I can't hold my tongue any longer!  Sometimes, the only solution is tough love.

See.  Welfy has a problem.

I found her like this when I walked into her room.  She had OD'ed on Big Red.  I didn't know she was afflicted, or I never would have entrusted her it.  Apparently, when she gets started she just can't stop.  I tried to revive her, to get her conscious but it was no use.  She just stared glassy-eyed at the ceiling unresponsive. 

Later, after the Big Red had run its course.  I made her include the pack with the single stick of gum left in it, to try and shame her out of her denial.  My apologies to you, Paul for your one-stick gum pack.  Obviously, you are a man who knows how to handle his Big Red responsibly, but a lesson had to be taught.  As for the rest of you, I'm sorry you had to be a witness to this tragedy, but I know it's for her own good.  Maybe with our understanding of the problem and our support, Welfy will be able to get the help she so obviously needs.
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The first step in getting help is admitting you have a problem.

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM. I saw you sneaking Big Reds when you thought I wasn't looking.

Welfy, you have a problem. You need help. Stop chewing that garbage and listen to me.

But Big Red is the gum of the gods!

it is rather flavorful for a long, long time.

there is something very, very wrong with both of you.

love you guys

yeah, but... you already knew that. that's why you love us ;-)

Agreed. But it's hilarious so...who can complain.

Cute, just very cute, :P

<3 <3 <3 Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

I'd blame those Flavor Crystal Meth's for your addiction but I don't think Big Red has flavor crystals.

Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day is one of the few books I remember from my wee years. The only others I can think of that sparked particular sentimentality are "Nothing Exciting Ever Happens on my Block", "Why Mosquitos Buzz in Your Ears", and another that I can't remember the title of.

I liked Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

I actually bought Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad Day a few years ago because I had never owned it...just took it out of the library a lot. :^) And I also remember the other books you mentioned! :^D

This is why heroin must remain illegal. It's a "gateway" drug that leads to harder things such as Big-Red. How many lives must be needlessly destroyed before people take notice?

I love that damn book.

Maybe we should move to Australia.

That's a good idea, theres a severe shortage of welfy's and soopageek's in Australia.


As many LJ friends as I've been making down under, I may just have to plan a trip to Australia some day. :)

It's always the person you would least expect...

You have two options, an intervention with family and friends, and then Erin goes cold turkey......OR....

She signs herself into a program of doses of sugarfree gum daily for two years.

Yummmmmmm, cold turkey and mayonnaise on wholemeal.....the only wway to kick the Big Red habit.


I love that she's wearing a Freezepop shirt and I'm jealous as fuck that she's totally rocking that skirt, because I can't, and it's sooo cutesexy.

She can rock a skirt like nobody's bidness. I loves me some welf legs. :)

I didn't want to say anything about the one-stick pack because the first thing I suspected was Customs corruption, but then I decided that maybe it was a community-minded display of everybody concerned sharing the pack. A clear message of worldwide kinship.

The truth is obviously far more sinister. I hope support is forthcoming.

Does the eight-ball have a similar story of woe?

The 8-ball was just a good-will offering from the vast Welfy superball collection.

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