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the machinations of my mind are an enigma
marie
soopageek



fter spending nearly an entire day doing virtually nothing in St. Louis, Steve and I picked up a load in Salem, Illinois bound for Laredo, Texas where it most likely is later headed for Mexico. Laredo is a bustling border town, that over the past decade or so has grown exponentially to accommodate the boom in shipping between the U.S. and our southern neighbor. Between the massive amount of shipping, the seediness of Nuevo Laredo on the other-side of the river (no doubt with a teeming red light district lined with $20 street hookers), and the pervasive presence of law enforcement of every stripe, it feels like Mos Eisley on Tatooine.

I feel like Han Solo, you're Chewie, she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked up bar!

Which reminds me, I need to go see Clerks II as well as Pirates in the very near future.


don't remember dreams very often which is always a source of envy for me for those of you who do. Yesterday, I slept for a few hours while Steve was driving and awoke from a very vivid dream involving friends in Omaha. Now, with the exception of meeting navygreen and her family a couple of months ago, I don't know anyone in the Omaha area. In the dream though, these were very good friends who I cared a lot for, and I was visiting them for the umpteenth time and there was a feeling of history and back story.

And when I woke up, I felt this huge feeling of loss. I wanted to know these people and for them to be real. Then I began pondering about my subconscious. Maybe I have this rich, alternate-reality life in my subconscious that I only visit when sleeping but I'd have no way of knowing since I don't remember them. Maybe we all do; only remembering the really bizarre parts of the dream because they're so foreign to this reality. This of course led to thinking about the nature of reality and that old chestnut, what is real? That whole Matrix notion of reality being a product of the mind. Is it any less real because it's only a dream? And what about psychotics? Schizophrenics? Maybe they have an ability to relate with the personalities and people of dream reality while awake, a la John Nash in A Beautiful Mind. Maybe they're not crazy, just wired differently.


ately, I've fallen out of love with LiveJournal. There's no particular reason that I can associate with this malaise so I'm attributing it to one of two things: either it's just a phase which I'll snap out of or it's just my typical time line for boredom with all things computer/internet, which is about 3-5 years. In the late 80's, it was local electronic BBS. In the early 90's, it was internet-based MUD games. In the late 90's, IRC and the early aughts it's been LiveJournal. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon and I hope it's only a phase. My current internet obsession has become Conquer Club. Dork that I am, I even bought a premium membership for the low, low price of $20 annually so that I can play unlimited simultaneous games. I've always loved playing Risk, and lately that love has been intense, playing both at Conquer Club as well as a Risk CD-ROM I've owned and enjoyed for many, many years. I don't know if anyone else on my f-list is a Risk player, but if you are I highly recommend checking the site out. If you do and wanna play, send me a message and we'll play together.


've still got gams to share. These belong to shaden.



Barring any late submissions, I have my two favorite photos left to go. Look out!

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You're killing me, y'know, with all these Illinois mentions. Although Salem's an awfully long way from where I am.

I think your LJ dissatisfaction might be seasonal. I find that I have less stuff that's postworthy at the moment. Of course, that might mean that I have a boring life... always a possibility I don't take seriously enough!

Yeah, it's occured to me that it's seasonal, because you tend to do more STUFF in the summer. Then again, the time when I could be writing/reading in LiveJournal, I'm playing Risk for 4/6/8 hours while my student drives. It's not like I'm really doing something else. So I dunno. Maybe I need to get this current round of Risk obssession out of my system is all.

Pirates = ass. But: it's so assy it's hilarious.

Appropriate you should chime in on this, I saw the first one after visiting with you in Columbus one evening at Cup O' Joe. I walked over to the theatre after you left and saw the first one.

I'm not expecting it to be awesome, but I love Johnny Depp. His Keith Richards-in-drag reading of Jack Sparrow is fun.

OMG but he's *so* faggy this time around though. A lot less Keith Richards, a lot more "LOOK AT ME! I'M A GAY MAN! I WEAR MAKEUP AND FLIT AROUND LIKE A FAIRY! AREN'T I HILARIOUS?!!!1"

Seriously, there's only so much flouncing around you can do without it becoming total overkill.

When you gonna be in C-bus next?

I've been out west a lot lately. I got as close as Springfield a few days ago. Unfortunately, all the times I've been in Cbus the best few months it's either been in the middle of the day, the middle of the night, or there just wasn't any time for stopping. You can be sure, though, that if the planets align and all that jazz, that I'll be giving you a phone call. :)

And when I woke up, I felt this huge feeling of loss. I wanted to know these people and for them to be real. Then I began pondering about my subconscious. Maybe I have this rich, alternate-reality life in my subconscious that I only visit when sleeping but I'd have no way of knowing since I don't remember them. Maybe we all do; only remembering the really bizarre parts of the dream because they're so foreign to this reality. This of course led to thinking about the nature of reality and that old chestnut, what is real? That whole Matrix notion of reality being a product of the mind. Is it any less real because it's only a dream? And what about psychotics? Schizophrenics? Maybe they have an ability to relate with the personalities and people of dream reality while awake, a la John Nash in A Beautiful Mind. Maybe they're not crazy, just wired differently.


HASHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~!!!!


you're venturing into my territory now, buddy.

tread with care.

"you're venturing into my territory now, buddy. Tread with care."

I was here first! ;)

Eh, I think everyone waxes philosophical from time to time, as limited and lacking in depth mine may be. I guess for me though, I only give it a limited amount of mental resources before something comes a long and I go "Neat!" and I'm off on a tangent.

Sometimes I feel like Dee Dee on Dexter's Lab. She'll be skipping along or screaming at Dexter then she'll see something shiny and go "Oooooooo" and forget what she was doing.

I need to see both of those as well... actually, there's an ever-growing list of cinema I can't see with bebe in tow, but Clerks 2 is at the top.

I can't seem to shake my LJ-malaise either. Like you said, I just always end up doing other things (not always by choice though in my defense). The bad thing is, I actually have things I want to write about, but just can;t bring myself to do it. Bah.

I've always been intrigued by the minds we define as deviant. It's kind of like the great cliche's of mythology, the pervasive sense of spirits and magic that litter mutually foreign cultures throughout time, making one wonder if there wasn't some truth to it all at one point... I realize I just jumped tracks on a tangent there but perception is a fascinating subject.

Speaking of tangents, you wanna try to go to Old Taylor this Sunday, or do you guys have plans?

I don't have any specific plans so that would be cool... but when I last checked the weather on Tues, it was supposed to be crappy (Storms, hot, etc) all weekend. But I'll plan on that tentatively and ask the wheelman... ;)

I'd never heard of Conquer Club...I love Risk!

I've now created an account - dividedbyzero. I'll be on there presently, so presumably we'll run across each other.

What, like Snood wasn't enough to keep you occupied for hours on end? ;)

But I love Risk! I remember in high school spending hours playing it on a Mac II Banana2000-esque model...tiny little b/w screen, slower then hell, bad sound. Yowza.

In college, some of us would have marathon sessions going all night and into the morning and then we'd blow off classes the next day.

We did the playing all night and skipping classes thing but with Euchre, not Risk. There was always a Euchre game going on in the lounge on my dorm's floor.

I'd never heard of it either. The format is really cool for casual play, it's refreshingly ad free, and there are lots of custom maps and game style options that keep it interesting.

I'll keep any eye out and be sure to get in some games with you.

It was the same old song with the melancholy sound

Clerks II
It's not out here yet, I don't think, but I am really keen to see it and also very, very afraid. I love the original film so much. I saw it two hours after getting three wisdom teeth extracted, and I was still full to the brim of anaesthetic, and that was a brilliant way to see it. I'm nervous because I hate it when the sequels ruin the legend. Radio Birdman brought out their first new album in 27 years a few months ago, and it's horrible. That type of thing.

Subconscious/Dreams
You raised a really interesting point. I've always wondered whether we live an alternative life in the subconscious. When you wake up happy, or tired, or sad, is it because you're having wins or losses or work to do in there? Like in my current run of nightmare after nightmare, which I only remember the worst parts of usually, I'm keen to know what the subconscious problem is and what I'm doing to fix it - but of course I never will. There's probably another whole story there, though, which might explain things on the surface a bit better.

LJ Malaise
I think we all have our phases with this. Like you I went through the phases of MUD, byte-at-a-time text internet, BBSs, etc, etc, and I think LJ is the best one yet in terms of meeting people and being exposed to new and interesting things, so I still like it. I do hope you're not going anywhere, though, because that would be too many opt-outs for me and I'd go back to my C64 emulator full time. I'm tired of growing e-fond of people and getting my heart e-broken. :)

Risk
I always liked Risk and Risk based things. My e-Risk was Isle Wars Pro. I'm going to check out the thing you posted. My favourite story about Risk was a German friend of mine whose brother played against a Russian (I think) guy. They always wore their respective WWI period helmets while playing Risk and the game became more about the accents and historical posturing and alcohol consumption. I like the sound of that environment.

Look at this, I wrote a novel.

Re: It was the same old song with the melancholy sound

While I'm not some rabid weirdo who can quote every line from his films, I'm a bit of a Kevin Smith fan. Have you seen Dogma? It's probably my favorite of his films.

Segueing from cinema to dreams, there's a movie called Until the End of the World where a scientist builds a machine that allows you record your dreams, kinda the way a VCR records television, but the images and sounds are really distorted and static-filled. The darkly amusing thing is that the people who start recording their dreams become addicted to watching the recordings, and begin wasting all of their waking moments viewing their dreams and trying to decipher them. The sad thing is, since I seldom remember dreams, I know I'd totally be one of those people.

I hope it's only a phase, and no, I have no plans of opting out vis-a-vis our pals Robert and Johnathan, it's just not always the FIRST thing I go to when I get online any more. Like you, I've made many friends here that are far flung and LJ is the primary, if not the the only manner, in which I interact with them. Besides, I like creating content, and if it's one thing I've learned from my various web projects in the past, my attention span and interest in any particular thing is fleeting. At least with a general blog such as this, I have place where I can do things as whimsical and unrelated as I want, whenever I want, and I have a community of friends and acquaintances to indulge me.

That Risk story is great. I have this image of two old geezers dressed up in their otherwise moth-balled military dress uniforms with helmets on drinking and smoking, cursing each other louder and louder with increasing libation.

Re: It was the same old song with the melancholy sound

Wow, that movie sounds interesting. I've toyed with the notion of a "Dream VCR" since about the sixth grade. While I'm sure I'm not the only one who ever had the notion, I always thought my concepts were pretty ingenious for the time....

Basically if a computer generates images from electrical impulses sync'd to a language, why not capture the impulses of the brain and eventually figure out how to decode them? The way I rationalized it way back then, I came up with the bonus that if you could translate impulse to image (to record a dream), you could reverse the flow and translate image to impulse (to say, create a bionic eye). The "decoding" piece would be the hard part.

Anyway, even back in 1988 I knew I couldn't be the only one thinking that, although I did imagine it all independently. I take a keen interest in news about several bionic-eye and electo-kinetec interface developments in the real world, as they parallel my own ideas as a kid.

I'll have to check out that movie sometime.

Re: It was the same old song with the melancholy sound

do you have that movie? U2's song was featured if i remember correctly... always wanted to see it.

Aw, Steve's cute!

Man, MOST of my dreams are about people I have never seen before and probably never will see. I enjoy dreaming, but I miss the days where I would keep a notebook next to the bed to write down my dreams the second I woke up. Otherwise, I would forget about them. I used to call you and tell you about the dreams, but now that I'm so busy getting ready for work, I don't have that luxury. :^( Which sucks, because telling you my dreams would always help me remember them more solidly.

My feelings for YOU were made pretty clear in the dream I had after I met you. :^)

I hope you never leave Livejournal. Even if it became over-run with teenagers, I'd probably want to still stick around because it has helped me meet so many friends (and a certain dork).

P.S. I just splorted when I saw your subject line!


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