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i'd do her
basic concept of Guyness* came-up in conversation with welfy over the holiday and we've returned to it a few times. I've tried explaining it to her and she "gets it" but I don't think that she fully believes it to be a rampant, widespread Guy phenomenon. I don't believe that every dude does this, but I would wager that a good majority do. So, I thought I would prove/disprove it with an informal, totally unscientific polling of my f-list.

It's a concept called "I'd do her"**. It's usually said that way, and often offered with a shrug.

The gist of the concept is that men will consciously categorize any woman into one of two categories based solely on physical attributes that they deem desirable. It is my contention that men do this on at-least a sub-conscious level immediately upon seeing any woman for the first time, but that's a lot harder to prove. It has nothing to do with personality. It has nothing to do with feelings. It has nothing to do with present circumstances. It's a blue-sky, fantasy-world of carnal desire that is hard-wired into the male psyche. It's the difference between specific attraction and general attraction. It means that, if given an ideal set of circumstances as it applies to the individual's inner ethics and morality, that they would "do her". Maybe it'd have to be in wedded bliss, maybe it could only be a hook-up because the thought of her personality is so distasteful. You can argue all you want about where it originates, nature or nurture, but the fact remains that it exists.

This may seem terribly obvious. Of course if everything was sky-blue fantasy: if I didn't think she was annoying, if I wasn't married, if I... you can go on forever. But my point is that Guys have cut through the chaste to the chase and developed a concept and phrase which captures all of that, and nothing more needs to be said. It's understood universally by all other guys.

"I'd do her".

To make it a little easier, here are come basic scenarios:

Scenario 1: Guy One mentions his attraction for HOT CELEBRITY. Guy Two makes a face and says he never thought she was that attractive. Guy One challenges Guy Two with "You wouldn't do her?" It now has nothing to do with specific attraction but general attraction. Chances are that HOT CELEBRITY isn't morbidly obese or severely disfigured, so the honest answer will almost always be yes. A variation on this scenario is that Guy Two doesn't "like" HOT CELEBRITY for whatever reason (undesirable public persona, dislike of her entertainment value, lack-of entertainment value, etc.) but when challenged would have to admit he would indeed do her. This is the way that most guys feel about your musical-pop-tart flavor-of-the-month-diva at the height of their hype. Another variation of this scenario has an era delimiter ("I'd do 60's-era Eartha Kitt").

Scenario 2: Two guys are having lunch at a food court in a mall. To fill the silence between them, they play a casual game of "I'd do her" directed at anonymous ladies passing-by. There are variations of this game, but it's the same basic concept.

Scenario 3: A guy's girlfriend has an attractive mother/sister/daughter. This stands to reason since the guy is attracted to his girlfriend, but not universal. Obviously the ages of mothers and daughters weighs heavily into this. Under the rule of "I'd do her", he'd have to admit to it. Ladies, don't ask your guys this question unless you truly understand this concept and can handle what you'll hear. This is assuming of course that he doesn't lie to you, which he probably will.

o where's the question in this? I'm glad you asked. While I don't think it's universal, I'm sure it's very, very common. So guys, I want you to think of work (or school). It's a place there are likely females you see on a daily basis and have had lots of time to consider.

My question is, do you already have a mental inventory of who you would or would not do? As a side question: is there a hierarchy? In the blue-sky fantasy you could only "do" one, only once, and never any of the others, ever. Do you already know who it would be without thinking?

*This is not to to say that it is a purely Guy concept. I've known many females who do the same thing.
**This is not intended to exclude those of homo/bi sexual persuasion and I presume it is also applicaple with the third-person pronoun of your choosing.

I used to. I don't anymore. That's a few miles past the line I've set for myself (which I won't get into here). I'll just say that I will not look at women and objectify them to an object upon which to be acted.

I guess I would argue that while the phrase itself is crass, it really has nothing to do with sex per-se, although I will agree that is certainly objectification. I've always been of the opinion that objectification in of itself is not unhealthy, what is unhealthy are actions and attitudes which sometimes develop as a result of them: from clichéd construction-worker catcalling to work-place discrimination.

I think men, more so than women, objectify their desire in addition to the feelings and relationship which may be pinning the intimacy. A loving, married couple may have the most wholesome relationship ever/anywhere but I bet every once in a while he just looks at his wife, maybe catches the sun coming through the space between her knees in a long dress, and thinks "Man, I wanna nail her right now." That comes from nowhere other than pure lust.

yeah. all guys do that shit. gals do it too. of course, I've always been "one of the guys" until my beau ie hubby turned me all girly girl and helped me get into touch with my girly side.

but i think it's universal... all around.. even though the sceniros are different that what you described.

Oh, I know girls do it. And I think it's become increasingly more common with the so-called "third wave" feminism of our generation. And I think it's great.

I still think girls in general tend to be more on the "specific" side of attraction than the general side, though. While it was made extreme for the benefit of humor, the old SNL character The Ladies Man once made reference to a "under 40, under 140" rule. There's probably a little bit of The Ladies Man in all guys. ;-)

One of my ex boyfriends used to say that all the time and it got all over my nerves. I took it to mean that it didn't matter that we were in a monogamous relationship, he'd throw that right out for a chance to "hit that". That was the phrase he and his pals used, "I'd hit it".

I'm a bit older and wiser now and know that I too can look at some random guy and be all "I'd hit that" and it has absolutely nothing to do with my current relationship.

Yeah, I think that's the point where a lot of girls who don't "get it" get upset. They don't understand that it has nothing to do with your current relationship. It doesn't mean that if the person that your guy would "hit" came-on to them that they would risk it all for that. It's just an admission of general attraction.

I'm way too picky though. When I think about it, there's a lot of men I'd make out/mess around with but not a lot of guys I'd actually have sex with (mostly because of how I'm often repulsed by naked men-bodies, hehe).

johnny depp not-with-standing

Of course it's not really about sex, though. It's just about attraction.

I've often said if I had been born fmeale I'd be a lesbian. Men are ugly, all the way around.

Yeah I do it but I don't have a hierarchical list I can instantly recall from.

The last place I worked that had employees was fairly egalitarian with concern to the male/female ratio. For all intents-and-purposes, they were all off-limits to me anyway since I was their boss, but still... if someone asked me if I had to pick one, I could probably do it without much thought.

The Vice-DoHer would probably only have taken a few second thought.

I used to play that game with my gay guy friends. I don't think any of us meant that we actually would, but more that we found that person attractive on some level.

Of course it doesn't mean that you actually would. Only in the realm of pure fantasy, if all conditions were ideal and perfect. That's the whole crux of the concept. :)

(Deleted comment)
What, my smokin' icon? Hehehe, evelynnash took that picture of me a couple of years ago when she went on a truck ride with me.

I've not bothered to quantify my "hit list", as it orginates from a sense of pure blind conjecture; i.e. "It'll never happen".

Plus you must consider that if you actually were to quantify such a list into any for of heirarchy, you have now transcended the function of id and are no longer acting from a pure subconscious carnal desire. So it then becomes a contradiction and thus a mute point of discussion, except to prove that all men are pigs.

Not that I'm complaining.

Well, actually, I was arguing that while I believe that men do it sub-cosciously, that we ALSO do it consciously and verbalize it as such ("I'd do/hit/nail it/that/her"). While I don't think guys have some numbered list stashed away in their desk drawer at work, I would venture to say that most have a #1, even if they won't admit it.

I, a straight male, don't say "I'd do her."

::: shrugs :::


I did notice, however, that if one guy sits next to another guy, in any context whatsoever, and says "Dude, this fucking sucks!", the other guy will agree right away.

I, a straight male, don't say "I'd do her."

That's not what I heard. ;)

Was that also your answer for the side-question about having a #1 at work/school? I'm not getting a lot of consensus on that part of it. I need some help, here. ;-)

I am here cause I was talking to welfy on im.

Yes.. most guys do that. and yes 'in the perfect' situation.. I'd know who I would 'do' given the right circumstances.

yes, i do this. and i am (sometimes) a Sensitive Male Who Respects Women. go figure. i have seen many other Sensitive, Educated Males do the same thing over coffee.

a concept which some (but not nearly all) women have trouble understanding: "i'd do her" indeed has nothing to do with whether you'd actually do her in reality. it refers to an alternate universe in which sex is completely divorced from everything else ever, the same universe from which pornography originates.

That's the corner I come from, because anyone who knows me me knows that, while I'm certainly no emo-boy, I would probably fall into the category of SMWRW.

You sir, probably summarized it best that I've seen. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with reality and only exists in an alternate universe.

I take that back, Erica Jong probably summarized it best in two words: zipperless fuck.

Until I reached the very simple questions at the end of your discussion, I thought this was going to be something that really was only an issue to people in relationships. Although I can't really imagine uttering the phrase aloud, the "I'd do her" concept seems like an entirely valid criteria in selecting a potential other from a single person's point of view. Possibly the very first thing on the list since the first thing anyone knows about someone else is typically what they look like. I suggest no one (at least up until a certain age), male or female, selects a partner they wouldn't do.

Of course, then that turned out not to be the question. Still, being single and given the opportunity to live in this blue sky fantasy world you're suggesting, of course I know who I would or would not do. Every time. Just based on the visual. Knowing nothing else about them. Knowing more about the person could switch the ruling, but you've already given me permission to assume nothing would come up that would bother me ethically, morally, or self preservationally.

There is no hierarchy. Once again that could be a single person thing though. I have no cause to have one. Knowing nothing more than are they physically attractive to me or not means all are equal and which ever one was first wins. It doesn't matter which one.

I've never bothered with your final do only one once scenario. I do not know who that would be. I'm pretty sure I don't want anyone I can I do only once in all reality. In that situation, I'll just pass.

From a purely rational stand-point, it makes complete and total sense. This is one reason why I think guys operate in this mode of thought more frequently than women. That's not to say that women are irrational, but they do tend to be more in touch with their emotions than we men-folk and have a harder time separating them from these sorts of things, even when considering an alternate reality.

Not sure if you are asking women this question too and if I even understand it. To me, anyone knows who they deal with on a regular basis that they find attractive and would go for if the stars were aligned just right, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't mean you ever will or will ever even try. It just means you have an innate, harmless attraction to them. Am I missing something?

Nope, you've got it. But there's a surprising number of gals who don't get it. I have a pretty hip f-list so I suspect that most of the gals on my f-list get it. ;-)

Pick up the bone phone, reach out and touch somebody.