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Jason explains the internet
ontinuing with soopageek's greatest hits - this is probably the funniest thing I have ever written here or anywhere. In the spring of 2005, I had a student named Jason. I can't possibly recount here the depth of entertainment Jason was, but if you're truly interested in reliving the experience, I have both a tag and an entire memory subcategory devoted to the various entries I wrote during that period of time. On March 7, 2005 I attempted to do an impression of Jason. Basically I pondered, how would Jason explain the internet to someone? And this is what I came-up with.

"Jason Explains the Internet"

I saw this show, on the Discovery Channel once, where they had these typewriters with little TV's that sat on top of 'em.  Do they have the Discovery Channel where you're from? I think they costed about three thousand dollars! And people wrote things on them and stuff.  Yeah, about three thousand... maybe 900 dollars.  And they use the Ty-uh-TV, mm-writers to talk in ciphers.  You ever hear of anything like that? They said something about "cipher space" or something.  And I think I remember ciphers being like secrets, only not letters, but 8 numbers you can't hear.  But we don't have anything like that in Harrisburg.  Do you know James Berman?  He had a TV repair place in Harrisburg, but he was from Aynisscratch, Illinois.  I thought he might've fixed your TV one time because he had a goldfish he bought at the State Fair in Louisville 6, no, maybe 15 years ago.  He went to ITT Tech, or maybe MIT to learn engineering on TV's and he says they have this inner net that catches everything you type to send it overseas and the goverment's worried about pirates.  I didn't even know they still had pirates, did you?  We sure don't have anything like that in Harrisburg.  It sounds sorta scary, 'cos the pirates have viruses that infect the males with worms, which sounds kind of gross, ha ha.  And I think it must only infect the really strong guys who work-out and stuff because he said the worms were in "he-males".  He said the worms can travel the whole world in a couple of hours without dying.  I guess that's 'cos of all the oceans being wet.  That's why the government is building the Reformation Super Highway to cross the oceans safe and not have to worry about pirates and worms.  Someday, like maybe next year, you'll be able to drive from here to China, or Canada or something.  I think that'd be kinda wild, ha ha. To be able to drive to Canada?!?!!

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i do remember this post, and well. and i remember jason. he was everybody's favorite.

so, i worry all this reposting is the sign of something ominous about to take place.

Nothing ominous. I'd had a mind to do this for a while, to do some respotings of old entries that I really liked that people may have missed... but it feels so overly self-indulgent to do, even more self-indulgent than keeping an online journal already is, anyway.

Then it occurred to me that this was the month when I really started using LiveJournal... and that gave me a bit of an excuse to celebrate myself. Heh.

I'd love to drive to China. But then all of the Chinese would want to drive over here, and then we'd all be kneedeep in sushi and eggrolls.

But would we build a bridge or opt for the underground tunnel?

I'm holding out for my very own personal flying machine. It's the 21st century damn it, where are they?

Weren't they supposed to be here in 1984? That's what George Orwell said...

But then again, I was BORN in 1984... Made in the 80s!

I remember Jason! My favorite was when he didn't know that two cities in different states can have the same name.

Hahah, yeah. That, and how he thought all truckers knew each other. And everyone from the same state knew each other, etc...

holy cow, I must read more. Thanks for the category link!

Ha! I'd forgotten about Jason. Good times!

I will never, ever forget about Jason. Heh.

ooh... favorite part I thought he might've fixed your TV one time because he had a goldfish he bought at the State Fair in Louisville 6, no, maybe 15 years ago. He went to ITT Tech, or maybe MIT...

When I visited my friend justamy in Kansas City, I took Jason along with us for dinner. At the time, Amy was dating a guy that was an aerospace engineer or something like that... and Jason chimed in "Did he go to ITT Tech?"

You just can't make this shit up.

Oh good LORD.

I think I had just friended you a week or so before you got rid of Jason.

I actually rather miss the Jasonisms.

Heh, the entertainment value of my journal must've had a sharp decline for you then. ;-)

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I have some family from out in Eastern Kentucky. My aunt had met someone there at one of the town gatherings that was from Lexington and she was sure that I had to know them. She was so sure that my the time the conversation was finished I knew who it was. Just couldn't break her heart.

Heh, that's exactly how Jason was. He just assumed that I knew everyone from Kentucky and that I knew every truck driver in the country.

Jason was certainly entertaining if nothing else. Eventually I became a little immune to him... but for a while there in the beginning, it was all I could do not to laugh out loud during our conversations.

I used to ride in the passenger seat with him, with my laptop open and just keep a journal entry all day long, capturing the really good stuff.

I'm glad Jason was able to lift you out of your dumps a little. :)

Hahaha...WOW...Jason sounds AWESOME. I'm sad I missed all the Jason moments. I shall have to dig back and get a bigger dose of it.

It's reasonably well documented. Almost like you were THERE.

I took a trip down Jason Lane today....quite a ride! Jason scares me...and amuses me. I have no idea how you had a much patience as you did training him. Of course, I am the world's worst teacher, so that might be part of the trouble. :)

I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken a lot when I was younger. I'm sure you and I crossed paths a few times. :^P

I get a lot of people in my store who think I might know people in Pennsylvania whenever I say I'm from there. Or they think I know every town in the state.

How funny!! It's crazy how "sheltered" some people are

thanks for the good laugh. I read some of the jason stuff and laughed out loud. I needed that. Did he ever get his license to drive?

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