It ain't pretty being easy... (soopageek) wrote,
It ain't pretty being easy...

i love wasting time

Location: Columbus, OH

Well I didn't get off my rear last night and decided to leave today for the East Coast instead. Which is fine, I really didn't want to get up there and have two days to spend. The temptation to spend money would be too great. ;-) I goofed around online a little bit this morning and got a much needed shower. I'm going to clean the truck out next, which I have been putting off forever since I planned this trip with Robin. I figure I'd do it just before so it would be nice and clean for our trip together. It needs it bad though, I've put it off about two weeks longer than I should have.

After that, I will head out and get into northeastern New Jersey tonight around midnight, get some shut-eye and enjoy my day in the city tomorrow before heading on up to Connecticut. Heh, I talked to my mom last night and she assumed I would be going straight for the casino in Connecticut where I won that 7 grand a few weeks ago. While the thought had occured to me, I have already had my casino'ing for the month in Joliet the other night. Therefore I have no intentions of going, at least not this week. Maybe next week, when Robin is with me, we could hit a casino just for the novelty. We've been saying for months that we needed to go hit the casinos up in Indiana near home one weekend but have never made the effort to do it, so maybe we will.

On the lamenting of needing new music - I made some effort to acquire some. Here is what I will be listening to as I traverse the scenic Pennsylvania Turnpike this afternoon:

Deerhoof - Apple O'
They've been all the buzz for a while now, thought I oughta get myself edumacated. I did a cursory listen of the first couple of tracks and they sound right up my alley. Looking forward to it.

Braid - Frame and Canvas
Yeah yeah, I know. Emo?!?! But my pal ughh speaks fondly of them so I thought I'd give 'em a whirl. The couple of tracks I sampled sounded tolerable, but decidedly emo. I don't have high hopes for this one, but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Various - My Girlfriend Was a Punk
This is a bootleg that originated at the fabulous Punk '77 website. I've enjoyed their bootlegs in the past, particularly the "Bloodstains" comps. Given my long love of female rockers, I'm sure this will be fun.

Boyracer - To Get a Better Hold You Have To Loosen Your Grip
I love Boyracer. 'Nuff said.

Rainer Maria - A Better Version of Me and Long Knives Drawn
I'm not all ra! ra! Rainer Maria like a lot of folks but I like what they do quite a bit. They make well-crafted pop music that is intelligent and easy on the ears. I've never understood why they get the "emo" tag, but then again, I ain't no hipster.

Yeastie Girls - Shoot the Hostages 7"
I first became familiar with the Yeastie Girls years ago due to a track of theirs that appeared on a Consolidated album (remember them?) called "You Suck" (suck it hard! go down, baby!). I'm sure this will be similar crude, ironic feminist hip-hop like that track. Fun fun fun!

from the brilliant cartoon Home Movies:

Melissa: Jason! Stop Picking your nose!
Jason: I'm not picking my nose.. I.. I'm pulling stuff out of it.

I love picking my nose. Seriously. I know there are a lot of uptight people out there who probably think this is incredibly disgusting and all I have to say to this is that you are missing out on one of the simple pleasures in life. I don't pick my nose publicly. In the words of my high school history teacher Mr. Tatum, that's rude, crude and socially unacceptable.

But it is fun. And I'm willing to bet there are more people who do it than will admit. While I'm sure there are some dainty people who always blow or occasionally use a utensil like a cotton swab to extract the nose goblins, I'm willing to bet that most people just go for it with the finger. When you think about it, there's nothing inherently gross about the act. You're simply removing some dust/pollen particles encased in the mucous that is generated by your sinuses. Sure bacterial infection as a result of colds, bronchitis, influenza and their ilk can be spread as a result, but aside from being sick, there is nothing in the actual act of nose picking that is dangerous or harmful. That said, I was musing about nose picking and decided to elaborate them in detail here (lucky you!).

I'm amazed by the various types of boogers one can find in one's nose. The manner in which we dispose of them often corresponds to their type.

Generic, average booger.
This is the rubbery particle with an elastic quality not unlike Silly Putty. You can flick these and they stick to surfaces rather readily or roll them around between your thumb and forefinger in a perfect ball then simply drop them.

Dry boogers
You get these when you're in a very arid environment with a lot of dust, dirt, or other similar particles in the air. I used to get these kinds all the time when I worked with dough in restaurants from all the flour. After about an hour you'd have to excuse yourself to go take care of your nostrils just so you could breathe. They come out of your nose almost like dust, with little or no moisture content and they're very brittle. Due to their small size it's less like picking your nose and more like rubbing your finger along the inside and rolling them out onto your finger. A quick brush with your thumb against your finger and they sprinkle onto the floor.

Ice boogers
Ever step outside in subzero weather and all the snot in your nose freezes instantaneously the moment you inhale? That's an ice booger. Your choices here are to pick it while it's still cold or wait until you go back inside. I opt for the first because it's less messy. When you go back inside, all that frozen mucous is gonna thaw and start running.

Booger flakes
These are probably the hardest and most painful to extract. They're very thin and crusty and line your nose like wallpaper. Your nose hairs are usually growing through so it pulls at them as you remove it. Due to their thinness, you have to literally scrape it from the lining of your nose with a fingernail. These are the ones that often lead to bleeding, too, as they rip the nostril hairs from the lining of your nose. This unfortunately creates a vicious cycle since this causes scabbing and, yay, another booger flake.

Booger blob
This is an extension of the average booger, but more moist. The booger is encased in a small droplet of snot. These are especially fun for flinging if you can get it to fly off your finger but accuracy is hindered. You never know where these suckers are gonna fly off to. Your best bet is a tissue, pants leg, underside of a chair, etc.

Booger snake
By far my favorite of the lot because it produces the most sensation during the actual act of extraction. This is the booger that has the long trail of snot that snakes back into your head partially down into your back of your mouth. You have to pull slow though or you don't get the full effect, because the snot trail will snap and what's the point of that? Take your time, don't hurry it. Once you've got hold of that little booger pull slowly and enjoy the sensation of the snot trail as it slides out of the back of your mouth, up through your sinus cavity, into your nose, and out through your nostril. You'll thank me later. Wiping is the only option here, and possibly a cigarette afterwards.

Related topics: These topics are not actually boogers or proper nose picking but of related interest to the dicussion.

Snot rockets
My favorite locale for this is the morning shower, after a night of sleeping with no chances for nose picking and the resulting build up of mucous which has collected from sleeping horizontally. This is also appropriate outside during hayfever season when the nose builds up regularly with mucous trying to keep all those nasty molds and pollens out of your lungs. There is an art to this however. If you're not accustomed to doing this, I recommend practice in the shower where there is ample water for rinsing your hands. But once you've mastered it, you can do it anywhere. Place one finger aside the outisde of your nose and press against the nostril to close it, leaving open the one you wish to clear. Be sure that your hand is completely to the side of your nose, you don't want to get any of the blast on your hand. Turn your head in the direction away from your hand. For example, if you are closing your right nostril, turn your head to the left. Turn as far as you can with your head bent down so that your open nostril is aiming at the ground and clear of your shoulder and other arm/leg/foot. Now here is the crucial part. You must commit or you're going to wind up with a lip covered in snot. With one forceful breath and mouth closed, exhale forcefully and sharply. You should try to force the breath out in as little time as possible, a split second of forced air wiill blow a glorious snot rocket from your nose onto the ground.

Hawk a loogie
Loogies are the phlegm and mucous that you dredge up from your lungs or down from your nose via a cough or snort respectively. This is followed by a rattling of the throat which shakes the mucous up through the epiglottis and into your mouth. Once collected, you have two options - swallowing it into your stomach which will eventually process it as waste through the usual methods or, you can hawk (spit) it which is lots more fun. Like blowing snot rockets, though, this is a fine art. First you have to determine its density, which is a guessing game done largely by rolling it around a little bit with your tongue. If it's too wet, you may have to just consider swallowing it - they tend to be stringy and will hang from your mouth rather than fly out. There is another option for the wet/sticky loogie which will be discussed below. Assuming that it is a loogie suitable for hawking, like the snot rocket, you must commit and with a simultaneous push of the tongue and forceful exhale, let that sucker loose. With practice and the genetic dispoition to tongue rolling, you can make a nifty chute providing you with much more accuracy. It is advisable before launching your loogie to also take into account wind speed and direction.

Loogie slurping
Here's what you can do with the wet/sticky loogies. This is most fun with other people present in the form of a game. You mix the loogie with the saliva in your mouth and make an attempt to let it slide from your mouth in a stream. The object of course is to see how long you can make your stream before breaking. The catch is, you have to be able to successfully slurp it back into your mouth with out it snapping. A loogie that falls to the ground doesn't count. The person who can get the longest one wins the respect and admiration of their peers. Again, wind can be a formidable consideration and most purists will agree that the utilization of sodas/chewing tobacco for their sugar content to make "saliva syrup" is, in fact, cheating.

I hope this discussion has yielded useful, salient knowledge and that your lives are immeasurably enriched as a result.


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