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a guy's guide to cooking
eople come up to me all the time and say, "Soopa, how did you land such a fine, fine woman as welfy. I mean, c'mon. You're kinda pudgy around the middle, balding, bad teeth, and damaged goods with a history and three kids to boot? What's your secret?"

My internet brothers and sisters, there is no secret. It was pure luck. I was at the right place at the right time. The more important question to ask is: how did I keep her? I'm certainly not a wealthy man. While I might be decent to roll around in the sack with, that's not a pre-requisite for sticking a ring on girl's finger these days. No friends and neighbors, it's rather simple really. I can cook.

It's true that I have over a decade and a half working in restaurants that gave me some added experience in the culinary arts beyond what momma taught me. But I learned a lot on my own, too; through trial and error and experimentation. You might be a nice guy, or have money, or be hung like donkey, but if you're a single guy and you want to seal the deal with the guy or gal you're wooing, you need to learn to cook. It's also a GREAT date suggestion, to offer to cook a meal for someone at your place.

The great thing is, it's not hard! Recipes look all complicated and intimidating but it doesn't have to be. Sure, there are lots of easy and decent tasting box and frozen dinners on the market, but if you think you're going to impress anybody with that weak shit, get used to spending your weekends with your cats, your favorite porn site and a tube of AstroGlide.

So I thought I'd break it down for you. I'll simplify and de-mystify good cooking in a series of entries that'll give you the basic tools, ingredients, and knowledge to cook great meals without getting bogged down in measuring cups and fancy hardware. Naturally, this information might be of use to some of you ladies who need a primer in cooking as well, but I'm going to aim this largely at the fellas. We'll call this simply:

A Guy's Guide To Cooking

Part 1 of this series will deal with basic tools of the trade. Part 2 will be about the basic ingredients you will need to work your magic in the kitchen. In Part 3, I'll cover basic cooking techniques with a kitchen range. In Part 4 and beyond, I'll give some simple and tasty jumping-off points for creating a basic meal which you can imitate or improvise. Everyone in your hometown will be locking up their sons and daughters because, before you know it, you'll be cooking your way into somebody's pants.
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I fully intend to add commentary to this series.

So, will I need AstroGlide for any of these recipes?

Because I have plenty.

That's an entirely different series of entries.

Bless your heart. I'm looking forward to this series.

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That, sir, is sound advice indeed.

"you'll be cooking your way into somebody's pants."

lol, that's what I'm talking about!

This is actually a true statement.

Cooking is one of the ways I impressed my now-wife, as well as her family.
The other ways are all available on DVD or VHS for 15.95 plus S&H.

Re: This is actually a true statement.

What, no Beta or laserdisc? Douchebag.

I've thought about writing a book for guys about cooking and about how to do it on the cheap and how to buy used or cheap tools/utensils/cookware to get it all done. A lot of my friends are cautious about cooking much because it seems a lot more complicated than it is.

I totally agree to your post, women love a man who can cook.

yeah, i have a friend who decided to start learning to cook and the first thing she did was buy like every new machine and gadget on the market.

kinda takes all the fun out of it, plus there's the fact that after about the 4th thrift store visit, you can accumulate almost everything you'd need from a cheese grater to a mixer or a slow cooker.

cooking shows are underwritten by cookware companies too, it took me a while to figure out why EVERY SINGLE DISH made on tv had to have some specialized type of device/strainer/bowl/etc to prepare.

My man can't cook.
And he's fucking FRENCH!
WTF, yanno?

But he's starting to learn.
I'm totally pointing him here.

No doubt you're like me and got some informal training in good Southern cooking growing up.

i do look forward to this series, but somewhere in there i'd better hear how to make a fucking baked alaska or i'm going to ask for my money back.

Actually, I'm not much of a dessert baker since I'm not much of a sweets person. Though I did get a wild hair and made home made chocolate chip cookies a few weeks ago.

Wow, you're cooking and our mutual friend has bought a girls bike! I must take the time to make a post about what new dresses I'm interested in this season to complete the trifecta.

Everyone knows already. They've seen your short skirt and fishnet photos.

Mister Soop, I was with you for at least a full year before I even knew you were capable of cooking!

I know. That was the "lucky" part. But then I kept ya.

The boyfriend loves cooking but is from Philly so he's telling me he expects help on not failing at making a northern woods girl something southern.

I'm all about Southern cooking. It's at the heart of just about everything I make.

I'll be keeping a keen eye on these entries. I am a master of the grill, but my skills in the kitchen leave much to be desired! Looking forward to it..

I don't grill enough to be a master at it, but I can get by.

I can cook, and had to prove my ability to improvise many times in the last relationship, as she did not eat meat. I can not, however, do presentation. My cooking has all the presentation of your average meal at Denny's. If that.

Still, I've found, depending on the age range of the women and the size of the metropolitan area in which you reside, the only real requirement for meeting one is to be single. It was not this way 3 to 4 years ago. But being 30 and single is apparently like Spanish Fucking Fly. Either that, or being completely uninterested draws them in....

That will actually be covered a little in this series; how to make your food LOOK as good as it tastes/smells.

As a cook who knows the power of food to get into someone's pants, all I can say is "Right on, man." I'll be reading in to see what new things I can pick up!