It ain't pretty being easy... (soopageek) wrote,
It ain't pretty being easy...

dead rock stars costumes

Location: Columbus, OH

Halloween is only two days away and you still haven't decided what to be? Never fear, with my handy-dandy, inexpensive ideas for being a dead rock star, you can put together a life of the party ensemble in minutes.

Elliot Smith
You will need:
-one light colored T-shirt
-one pair of blue jeans
-one pair of sneakers
-some Crisco vegetable shortening
-a cheap plastic knife
-sewing thread and needle
-corn syrup and red food colring
-one notebook
-one dictionary

Of course, this is the latest rock star to shed his mortal coil so if you're one of the first, you'll be screaming how hip you are. To be true to Mr. Smith's general attire, a dark T-shirt woud be more appropriate, however, for dramatic effect, I've chosen a light colored one. Take the plastic toy knife and cut the blade portion of it off so that it only the hilt. Sew the hilt to the chest of the T-shirt. Now where you sew it is important. As of this writing I don't know of any autopsy reports, but where you decide to sew the knife will say alot about what you think of Elliot Smith. If you choose to sew the knife directly over the heart, you may catch some flack from some of your smarter friends who will suggest that it is impossible and that most likely, to accomplish the deed the knife woud have to have been inserted beneath the ribcage and thrust upwards into the chest cavity. Any schmuck knows you can't stab a knife through the ribcage and breast bone. To thwart such admonishemnt, take care to place the knife hilt in the side or abdominal area at an angle to suggest this method. However, if you want strike conversation on the nuances of Smith's tortured soul as an artist, keep it dead center on the heart. You can point out that Mr. Smith was so filled with pain and self-loathing that the act of sliding the knife slowly between the ribs of his own chest to pierce his heart was his final and most moving work of art that deflty illustrated his fragile psyche. Mix the food coloring with the corn syrup and apply liberally around the knife. Coat you hair in Crisco, taking care to make sure it mats down in some places and is stringy in others. Take a Sharpie and write "Poems" in bold words on the cover of the notebook. Maybe add some lyrics from his favorite songs on some of the pages inside. Look up the word "brood" in the dictionary; do that a lot.

Kurt Cobain
You will need:
-one cardigan sweater
-one plain white T-shirt
-on ripped pair of blue jeans, the stringier the better
-1/2 pound of uncooked hamburger
-2 or 3 boneless ribeye steaks (uncooked)
-one toy shotgun

Sharpie "Corporate Rock Sucks" on the T-shirt and cut eyeholes in the first "O" and the "A" in "corporate". Wear it so that your head is inside the collar of the T-shirt, giving you that headless look. Stuff the hamurger and steaks intot he top of the T-shirt (you might need someone to help you with this). Don the cardigan and T-shirt and carry the shotgun with you. If you want to be thorough, trace track marks on your forearms with the Sharpie. No one will be able to see them because of the cardigan - but that's okay, you'll know they're there. For extra kicks and conversation, have your girlfriend dress up like Courtney and have her carry the shotgun.

Sid Vicious
You will need:
-one leather jacket
-one razor blade
-one small chain with padlock (worn as a necklace)
-one hypodermic syringe
-scotch tape

Scotch tape the syringe into one of the arms of the leather jacket and lock the chain around your neck. Carve something really stupid into your chest with the razor blade just before you head out the door so that the blood is still fresh. If you have a girlfriend, have her dress up all slutty like Nancy and do a knife/corn syprup/food coloring bit a la Elliot Smith.

Jimi Hendrix
You will need:
-Afro wig
-brightly colored polyster clothing (basically anything from Goodwill)
-a headband
-an empty pill bottle (sleeping pills, preferably)
-any old busted up guitar (preferably one that looks like a Fender)
-can lighter fluid and lighter

Assemble clothing and headband. Set guitar on fire whenever possible. Being able to vomit at will is a big plus, but if not, just pretned to be choking on it.

Janis Joplin
You will need:
-one hypodermic syringe
-one simple cotton dress
-bead necklaces
-circle-shaped sunglasses, preferably rose of blue colored
-one bottle of Jack Daniels

You get where this is going.


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