It ain't pretty being easy... (soopageek) wrote,
It ain't pretty being easy...
soopageek

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more polyamory stuff

ok... i've come to some conclusions on the subject.... while some of it may seem like an exercise in semantics, it's important for me anyway....

the way i see it... everyone is by nature polyamorous.... we are capable of loving two parents... and the love for one does not diminish the love for theother... the same with children.... we can love multiple offspring on varying levels and degrees but we do it simultaneously....

the difference is where we choose (or not choose) to be polygamous with concern to romantic love.... i guess for me that is a distinction... polyamory is natural, polygamy (or monogamy) is a choice....

on a related topic... my ex-girlfriend has caught wind of my fascination and curiosity with the subject and has grown somewhat curious herself.... yesterday we had a rather lengthy discussion about the subject.... i told her if she was curious enough to consider exploring the idea with me, i was ... but with the caveat that there were no guarantees... that i'm not even sure that im' capable of living in such an arrangement... and that i would understand that if she did explore it and chagned her mnd after the fact that i would understand that too....

she seems to have some of the same feelings... that it's not fair to have to be expected to stop loving someone just because they can't be the 100% of what you need in your life.... maybe my vision is blurred by conflict over my relationship with her.... on all of this... i guess i just feel at this moment, that i'd rather consider sharing the love she gives with others, rather than not be able to love her, and be loved by her, at all..... all the time i spend with her and i'm not able to express these feelings, verbally or physically, are like little, slow deaths....

i'm almost to the point of making a unilateral decision for myself on the subject.... and that she can accept me for what i'm going through (or becoming as the case may be) or choose not to... and that it would be her choice at what level she would allow me to be a part of her life (if at all)... but i'm to the point that trying to mask what i feel and not be open and honest about it does more harm than good for myself....

me and my roomate are meeting my ex-gf this afternoon for a picninc in the park... just to hang out....

this could get interesting....
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