I decided that today I wanted to find a new friend, so I thought I'd go trolling through the list of names of people reading ken_tuck_y and see if I couldn't find someone new from my neck of the woods with some similiar interests and kept an interesting journal. About mid way through, it was becoming apparent to me that I should keep notes along the way, not because I need to reference them, but because it is comedy gold. With a few exceptions, I won't list out names of these people, since the big purpose of this entry is to ridicule. ;-) I may be a bastard sometimes, but I'm not cruel. Oh yeah, and if any of these remarks resemble your journal, you know I love you. It's all in good fun.
1) Everytime I find someone with more than a couple of cursory things in common with me listed in their intersts, they're a 15 year old girl who writes about how much they love their boyfriend in their journal. How am I supposed to scam some action off an impressionable young teenager when she is delusionally in love with some pimply faced jerk-off?
2) liquidfire425 and livestorm: Hey lucidaj; damn girl, how many journals you got? ;-)
3) Real men don't use mood icons
4) if 410's journal doesn't make you laugh, then you should have someone check you for a pulse. The best thing is, you don't even have to read it, just make sure your speakers are on. I love the mouse pointer. "oooh I know it's good when you start speaking Spanish!"
5) When more than half of your user icons are a) Buffy related, b) Harry Potter related, or
6) People, stop admitting your are dorks in your bios. It's not cute or endearing and we can see through your ruse. These overt attempts to project geek-chic are pathetic and quite frankly, no one likes a poseur. A true dork is oblivious to the fact that s/he is one.
7) For the love of God can there be one polyamory reader who is not a pagan/witch?
8) Yes, yes. I get it. But you're not the first person (and certainly not the last) to put "What the fuck/hell/heck is Jabber?" on their info page.
9) Girls who "cut" are unattractive and unsympathetic. Stop it.
10) The occasional quiz/meme/survey is fine (see my previous post) but when it's all you do, maybe it's time you found a nice hobby.
11) I've never understood the point of a "friends only" blog. I mean if you just want to communicate with friends there are telephones, e-mail, IM's, chatrooms. Occasionaly there my be posts that you don't want public or that you need to filter, but when you are to the point that it is "friends only", what's the point? Ok, so maybe I can understand the point a little. It's simpler to recount the trivial things of your life to your friiends all in one place rather than telling them all individually. But then why put the message on your journal that says "This journal is friends only, ask me and I might add you."? Someone who knows you is just going to ask you and someone who doesn't know you can't read your journal to know if they give a fuck if they want to read it or not.
12) When you have 547 people and communities on your friends list but only 24 on your friends-of list, you're nothing but a big ol' whore. It's a cry for help Really.
13) Hint: nobody will even look at your journal if you list the Dave Matthews Band in your interests list, and nothing else.
14) When it takes me three minutes to scroll past all of the shit of blinking icons, buttons, claims/ratings communities you belong to, every quiz you ever took, and your favorite quotes in your bio to get to your interests, I've already lost interest. While we're at it, a character height of anything less than 8 is just annoying. Although, drewclid has his own claims community where you can claim one of his body parts. He gets mad props and I added him immediately.
15) 0n1y m040n5 typ3 l1k3 th15
16) Emo was so 1999.
17) If you are over the age 24 and your hair is blue/pink/green and you do not earn your living trying to scare the hell out of some kids parents with your music, it's not cool, it's just sad.
18) Why is it that guys feel the need to tell you right off the bat that they are "single" in their bio? Hrrrrm.
19) You are not now, nor will you ever be a "goddess" or a "princess".
20) Trance/jungle/techno/dance. Like there's a difference.
21) The nanosecond the phrases "I don't care..." , "...you think", or "..my life.." topped off with "Deal with it!" crosses my eyes while reading your bio, I've already deduced you are a high strung drama queen/king who does care what I think so I won't even bother.
22) The phrases "insecure", "messed up", "don't understand myself", "complex", or "issues" in your bio are pretty good indicators that your journal is a) largely unintelligible and b) fucking depressing reading - pass.
23) Straight edge was so 1981.
24) Gen Xer's: I have an affinity for the 80's too, but there were other decades. Our salad days are gone, let it go.
25) You're from Kentucky and know a foregin language. Yay.
26) White guys un-ironically making gang signs with their fingers. See 17.
27) Pop punk was so... well it never was.
28) Even I thought Johnny Depp was hot as fuck in Pirates of the Caribbean but are a jazillion icons really necessary?
29) An icon of the Confederate (Rebel) Flag with the words "If this flag offends you it's made my day" demonstrates a misguided concept of what it truly means to be a rebel. Coupled with icons of Stone Cold Steve Austin and it becomes down-right creepy.
30) Militant feminism was so 1979. Cripes, these broads today.
31) Your parents did not name you Reychel, Kymberli, or Mychel. If they did, why haven't you done a Menedez Brothers on them yet?
32) You interests in Vin Diesel, Brad Pitt, and Colin Farrel means one thing - it is time for Atkins.
33) Queer is so 2003.
So who did I end up adding? The following get the tentative soopageek trial period to be interesting enough that I don't skim them 90% of the time for a few weeks: belle_the_tiger. brooke3rdstreet, bzuercher, drewclid, marcusshogun, revsphynx, spikeydrew, and yshaloo.
As if I didn't have enough trouble keeping up with the current journals I do read.