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pomp and circumstance
i'm ready for my close up mr demille
I went to my oldest spawn's 5th grade graduation ceremony this morning. He got honors for having a GPA above 3.5 and for being on the honor roll all year. I'm so proud of him.

That said, the graduation ceremonies lasted for two and a half hours. Talk about excruciatingly long. It was ridiculous. They have all of these bullshit honors and awards so that all the kids get some recognition and don't feel left out. Like "if they made the Honor Roll at least once in the year" and "citizenship awards" which had a really vague description of what it was for. Of course, there was also the dubious distinctions of being "the most improved student".

It became apparent, as each teacher presented their awards for the kids in each of the five classes that, they were just making this shit up for the kids who didn't win anything. Each teacher had different awards outside of "perfect attendance" and the subject awards (best reading, best spelling, etc). The teachers could just make up wahtever categories they wanted and pick people who were the winners.

But they weren't content to simply recognize all of these honors by listing them in a program or having them stand and receive applause. Every single bit of honor and recogition resulted in the calling of names and a parade of kids across the stage to receive a zillion different certificates for each of these honors. I understand the touchy/feely approach to making all the kids feel special about ther scholastic achievements, but did this really warrant a 2.5 hour ceremony?

As if this wasn't bad enough, the assistant principal was retiring this year and gave a 15 minutes speech to the assembly followed by a "gosh-aren'they-cute" set of twin girls singing a duet dedicated to their vice principal who, apparently, will "always be in their hearts" (yeah right).

The sad thing is, there were parents there who seemed to actually be enjoying this whole thing. Which, in these settings is when I always feel so out of place; a room full of brain damaged kids and the you-know-exactly-where-they-got-it-from mom and dads. It's these situations when I understand the complete depth of my cynicism.

And I have two more to graduate from this elementary school!!!! If I make it to the other two as well I will waste 7.5 hours of my life in elementary school graduations. Does this seem right?

I've seen the future. I think Dad has to work.

So, I'm wasting some time in the university library. Storms knocked out the phones last night, so I thought it might be prudent to take advantage of the library resources to read livejournal and check e-mail before going home.

I've had a hard time composing this entry because there is a very hot blonde co-ed sitting down the table from me and I keep losing my concentration.

Two years is a very long time.

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they dont make that shit up for the kids, they make it up for the parents, yo.
i always felt bad that my mom had to sit through that shit. although i got called up a lot.
cuz i was a smarty mcsmrt

If you happen to see a very scraggly-haired, skinny, bespectacled kid asleep behind the circulation desk, say hello. It's probably my brother.

haha, really? the main one on the first floor? i'll hafta keep that i mind next time i'm in there....

Yup, really! Although lately he has been working the 12am - 4am shift.

:-P I resemble that remark. I have brain damage in the math and logic section of my brain. But eh, last semester when I volunteered to spend my Halloween reading to elementary school kids I noticed some of them were a little misshapen in the head, a little dull in the eye or just plain psychotic looking.

I asked one kid what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said an axe murderer. Um, yeah.

I remember in elementary school when I won a statewide Young Authors program that got the school a sweet chunk of grant money and they had an assembly in my honor. I got to read my book I'd written and illustrated to the entire school. It went straight to my ego.

I was a big fish in a small Kentucky backwater pond. They called me "the writer" after that. It sucks to professionally peak when you're 7 years old. :-P Meh.

It's one thing to be recognized for actual achievement. What irked me was they were just making stuff up. Even that I could've handled, bu they had to march each kid across the stage for every single thing to get their certificate for whatever made up honor they had come up with. It just dragged on a lot longer than was necessary. They could've just as easily had some of the minor awards recepients stand and be recognized as a group rather than have them all walk across the stage and shake the principal's hand for every single thing.

Graduations always bite. I was just thinking the other day that I don't remember jack shit from my HS one, except getting torn afterward.

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