It ain't pretty being easy... (soopageek) wrote,
It ain't pretty being easy...

words! just words!

Location: Effingham, IL

Words have been on my mind lately. Not words in particular but words in general. How I do love them. I think the recent musings of mandy_moon on the word "epitome" (chances are, you use it wrong, look it up) has set my mind to thinking about them, in all sorts of ways. There are times when I wonder why I ever chose the oh so useful English discipline as my BA all those years ago, but then there are times like these when I know exactly why. I don't like words so much in a bookish sense in that I want to know what every word in the world means, but I like it when they're strung together. It can be clever, or poetic, but its the general essence, the image conjured, or the effect in laughter or tears that means so much more than any individual word. Most of the journals I read are kept by people who are very good at doing this. While I may not always agree with the subject or know anything about the topic, I enjoy the way the words are ordered.

This thinking about words has led me to the conclusion that the articles of the English language are the three coolest words in the world. Sure nouns are majestic,. Verbs are busy and energetic. Adjectives and adverbs make us feel and prepositions give us direction. Geeks can push their glasses excitedly up their noses talking about infinitives and gerunds, but it is the lowly "a", "an", and "the" which warrant their own classification. New nouns and verbs are organically born every day but there are only two inedefinite articles and only one definite article. Their rules are simple but their usage complex. As English native tongues it is so ingrained in our speech patterns that we're oblivious to their complexity. The entire meaning of a sentence can hinge on its usage and a coherent thought can be completely obfuscated in the mouth of a newcomer. Consider how very different these three sentences are:

"Give me the head."
"Give me a head."
"Give me head."

Aside from the puerile humor factor, I hope the obvious is clear.

Speaking of puerile humor, you know what's great? Porn movie titles. In an industry not known for its subtelty or depth, one thing they frequently are clever with are their paordies of mainstream film titles and plays on words. One of the reasons I hate Blockbuster is that they don't have an adult movies room. One of the joys of movie renting is going to the little secret room and rummaging through the titles. One of my all-time favorites (we're speaking purely about word cleverness here, mind you) is the parody of that Harrison Ford movie Regarding Henry, of course, in XXX land it was Regarding Hiney. Actually, Harrison Ford films seem to be a regular target as evidenced by the classic San Fernando Jones and The Temple of Poon. Sure, some are not all that imaginative, simply trading out a verb or noun in the title for one that has something to do with sex, like When Harry Ate Sally or Gonad the Barbarian, but some are such a subtle shift, like the possessive form added to Murphy's Brown that you can't help but feel a little admiration. I remember a title from back in the early 90's when Hammer was all the rage with "2 Legit 2 Quit", there was this great black-on-blonde title in one store with the dude on the cover decked out in Hammer pants and in big bold letters it proclaimed 2 Hung 2 Tongue. In college a friend of mine admitted to having rented the movie Fatliners just for the humorous title and the fact that Ron Jeremy was in it. And there's definitely something about using the word "bone". I mean, if you can work the word "bone" into your film title parody, you have comedy gold. How can you not laugh at Mad Jack: Beyond Thunderbone or Romancing the Bone. Sci-fi/fantasy yields a whole new level. Dare I say, it approaches high concept humor with titles like Battlestar Orgasmica and Buffy the Vampire Layer. And lest we forget the classics, adult cinema pays homage to those timeless treasures with Butch Lesbian and the Lapdance Kid, Guess Who Came At Dinner, and Willie Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory. I recently saw a title floating around usenet that has had me in stitches for days: Weapons of Ass Destruction!. And it's those where the film title suggests something a bit on the perverse side that works the best, like Sheepless in Montana, E3: The Extra-Testicle, or Yo Quiero Taco Smell that can just get a person to giggling. While thinking upon these titles, I came up with my own, and I don't know if it's been done or not. It's not a play on a film title, but more of a general play on words. It would cater to the Asian-fetish niche of adult cinema simply titled Poonami!. It's kinda got a ring to it don't you think?

What're your favorite titles and do you have any ideas for porn film titles of your own?
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