Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
words! just words!
i'm ready for my close up mr demille
Location: Effingham, IL

Words have been on my mind lately. Not words in particular but words in general. How I do love them. I think the recent musings of mandy_moon on the word "epitome" (chances are, you use it wrong, look it up) has set my mind to thinking about them, in all sorts of ways. There are times when I wonder why I ever chose the oh so useful English discipline as my BA all those years ago, but then there are times like these when I know exactly why. I don't like words so much in a bookish sense in that I want to know what every word in the world means, but I like it when they're strung together. It can be clever, or poetic, but its the general essence, the image conjured, or the effect in laughter or tears that means so much more than any individual word. Most of the journals I read are kept by people who are very good at doing this. While I may not always agree with the subject or know anything about the topic, I enjoy the way the words are ordered.

This thinking about words has led me to the conclusion that the articles of the English language are the three coolest words in the world. Sure nouns are majestic,. Verbs are busy and energetic. Adjectives and adverbs make us feel and prepositions give us direction. Geeks can push their glasses excitedly up their noses talking about infinitives and gerunds, but it is the lowly "a", "an", and "the" which warrant their own classification. New nouns and verbs are organically born every day but there are only two inedefinite articles and only one definite article. Their rules are simple but their usage complex. As English native tongues it is so ingrained in our speech patterns that we're oblivious to their complexity. The entire meaning of a sentence can hinge on its usage and a coherent thought can be completely obfuscated in the mouth of a newcomer. Consider how very different these three sentences are:

"Give me the head."
"Give me a head."
"Give me head."

Aside from the puerile humor factor, I hope the obvious is clear.

Speaking of puerile humor, you know what's great? Porn movie titles. In an industry not known for its subtelty or depth, one thing they frequently are clever with are their paordies of mainstream film titles and plays on words. One of the reasons I hate Blockbuster is that they don't have an adult movies room. One of the joys of movie renting is going to the little secret room and rummaging through the titles. One of my all-time favorites (we're speaking purely about word cleverness here, mind you) is the parody of that Harrison Ford movie Regarding Henry, of course, in XXX land it was Regarding Hiney. Actually, Harrison Ford films seem to be a regular target as evidenced by the classic San Fernando Jones and The Temple of Poon. Sure, some are not all that imaginative, simply trading out a verb or noun in the title for one that has something to do with sex, like When Harry Ate Sally or Gonad the Barbarian, but some are such a subtle shift, like the possessive form added to Murphy's Brown that you can't help but feel a little admiration. I remember a title from back in the early 90's when Hammer was all the rage with "2 Legit 2 Quit", there was this great black-on-blonde title in one store with the dude on the cover decked out in Hammer pants and in big bold letters it proclaimed 2 Hung 2 Tongue. In college a friend of mine admitted to having rented the movie Fatliners just for the humorous title and the fact that Ron Jeremy was in it. And there's definitely something about using the word "bone". I mean, if you can work the word "bone" into your film title parody, you have comedy gold. How can you not laugh at Mad Jack: Beyond Thunderbone or Romancing the Bone. Sci-fi/fantasy yields a whole new level. Dare I say, it approaches high concept humor with titles like Battlestar Orgasmica and Buffy the Vampire Layer. And lest we forget the classics, adult cinema pays homage to those timeless treasures with Butch Lesbian and the Lapdance Kid, Guess Who Came At Dinner, and Willie Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory. I recently saw a title floating around usenet that has had me in stitches for days: Weapons of Ass Destruction!. And it's those where the film title suggests something a bit on the perverse side that works the best, like Sheepless in Montana, E3: The Extra-Testicle, or Yo Quiero Taco Smell that can just get a person to giggling. While thinking upon these titles, I came up with my own, and I don't know if it's been done or not. It's not a play on a film title, but more of a general play on words. It would cater to the Asian-fetish niche of adult cinema simply titled Poonami!. It's kinda got a ring to it don't you think?

What're your favorite titles and do you have any ideas for porn film titles of your own?

  • 1
If At First You Don't Suck Seed.

My girlfriend and I spied this at our local Virgin Megastore recently.

Not a play on a movie title, obviously, but hot damn that's rich. I've had a good laugh over porno titles before, but I think that one might be my favorite.

edward penishands!
loose times at ridgefield high
there was a good bill and teds ripoff, i recall.

(Deleted comment)
Most people use it meaning "the best"... or "the greatest"... when it doesn't mean that at all.. :)

Also, there's a less used definition of the word that means something totally different altogether.

(Deleted comment)
right... it's really close.. .and in the end, it is very close to what people mean, but i always thought it meant "the best"... as a lot of people seem to... it's just interesting that in fat it means "representative" or "the example of"

HAha... justamy used the computer just before me at the internet cafe and we didn't realize she was still logged wehn i wrote the reply to you... what she said... was really me... :)

poonami ... judging the two root words it sounds less like an asian fetish flick and more of ones with girls who ... well, you know.

along the lines of buffy the vampire layer there's "intercourse with a vampire".

good times.


there's also "Interview With a Vibrator"... :)

"Buttsizer, King of Rears" was the best title we saw during my college years. "The Madam's Family" also got high marks.

Inspiration comes from many sources.

Ah, E3: The Extra-Testicle has always been one of my all time favorites.

Yank My Doodle, It's Dandy was always funny, too, just because it has the word "doodle" in it.

And there is always Saturday Night Beaver...

And, because I am a big fan of Cheech and Chong: Crotch & Dong: Still Pokin'.

Ha! That Cheech and Chong was is great, I'd never heard of that one.

Yeah. I saw it in a porn shop in Richmond freshman year.

I should rent it and watch it.

Some great titles

Not that I've seen most of them :) (Regarding Hiney, Fatliners, Edward Penishands, ummmm anyway) ... The spouse and I have this thing for coming up with pornified titles ... like a certain series of fantasy books: Hairy Pooper and the Soceror's Bone, make up others as you desire. I drive a Vulva, the preferred car of pornstars.

I know you will like these...

Let's not forget these lovely titles...
'Dickman and Throbbin', 'The Beverly Thrillbillies', 'Erectnophobia'
(Sadly enough, those are the only ones I can remember at the moment... it's been a while since I've been in 'the room' at a video store since Blockbuster doesn't rent x-rated movies and the place on Moore Drive closed)!

As my [anonymous] spouse has already mentioned, we do have titles for the entire Harry Potter (or should I say 'Hairy Pooper') series... I mean, really, the author was just begging for spoofs of those titles!

BTW, if James is the one you refer to renting 'Fatliners', let's not forget the sheer morbid curiosity involved... even Ron Jeremy was dumbfounded in one scene!

Azazel (I hate that some Swedish guy stole my name... the bastard)!

Re: I know you will like these...

hahaha, yeah i twas James i was referring too... ;-) for some reason i've laways remembered him reciting a line from that movie...

"Introducing Ron Jeremy, the man who'll fuck anything..."

Re: I know you will like these...

I guess that is pretty true of Ron Jeremy... although I can actually only remember one line from the movie. To get the full effect you have to picture this HUGE woman... and I mean huge, like if they had tried missionary she would have suffocated under her own bulk... anyway, she is bent over a chair and it's an understatement to quote the song 'Baby Got Back!'. So, he looks at the task before him and says "Holy shit! Is this going to work?!". Sweet dreams tonight, Lin! Azazel

Ha Ha, these are funny, I'll add to the list "Shaving Private Ryan" although I've never seen it nor do I know if it actually exitsts. I am not sure how I ended up on your friends list but I see that you and I both share the interests of trucking and the Beastie Boys, so you may have added me under on of those dimensions. Do you have the new Beasties Album? I got to see them perform here in San Francisco with a bunch of other artists just last month. They were absolutley brilliant and on top of their game, only complaint is the music was NOT loud enough, but they were very animated and cutting edge. The crowd was really feeling them, and you could tell people were really glad to see them back after such a long hiatus.

I also just missed them in Vegas as they did their $2 bill tour with MTV, I was there the same night but couldn't make it to the venue.

So, are you a trucker, what's all this travelin' you're doing? Guess I'll add ya back.

Yeah Shaving Private Ryan is a bonafide pr0n title.

I discovered you randomly running a search for people who listed "trucking" in their interests. Typically, this yields other truckers, but when checking your journal out I read this entry and thought it odd - most people with an interst in trucking are tuckers or know someone who does. In an egocentric fit I thought "She'll love me journal." Of course, having an interest in the Beastie Boys is just gravy. Now it appears you also dig Modest Mouse, so I'm usre I'm in good company.

So yeah... I'm a trucker. Been doing it for almost two years now. I, like you, thought it would be interesting work. There is sort of a romantic draw to road life and two years in, it's rather addiciting. It becomes harder and harder to imagine doing anything else.

If you want to live vicariously through Livejournal... I can suggest a couple of other decent LJ's kept by truckers that might be worth your while, in the meantime, glad to have you as a friend.

I would most definitely like to live vicariously as a trucker through your lj, as well as perhaps being introduced to any of your other pals who may have interesting truckers tales kept on lj. I used to pick up a zine or two here and there, when I was lucky enough to find them, kept my people who either hopped trains or big rigs as a hobby. It makes great adventure writing, if you ask me. I, personally, like the style of the Great Jack Keroac, who was an epoch travel writer. I just like life on the lonesome road i suppose, however, I don't get to spend much time on it. I have a desk job nowadays. I enjoy every opportunity I get to spend days on a nice open stretch of highway. I romanticize the day I am FIRED and the only choice I have left is to go to trucking school to learn how to DRIVE A BIG RIG.

If you don't mind me askin', what sort of rig do you drive?

Do you own your own rig or are you part of a company?

What sort of goods do you haul?

What runs do you make (long, short) and in what region of the country do you drive?

What's your favorite stretches of road?

Where are the best truck stops in your opinion?

Did you go to Truckin' School? Where?

And what, by God, are trukers using those phones at the diner tables for, haven't they heard about those things called CELL PHONES!

I have a zillion other trucking related questions for you, but I am going to cut it short there, since you are probably very busy doing....something.

Let me know if you don't mind me asking you a zillion more.

If you don't mind me askin', what sort of rig do you drive?

I currently drive a 2002 Peterbilt... pics

Do you own your own rig or are you part of a company?

I'm a company driver, for Werner

What sort of goods do you haul?

Kitchen cabinets, mostly

What runs do you make (long, short) and in what region of the country do you drive?

I'm on a dedicated account that sticks mostly to the Great Lakes area, but I get out west on occasion and into the northeast fairly regularly.

What's your favorite stretches of road?

Just about anywhere in Oregon... and I'm really fond of Utah, too. There's a strethc of I-84 in Utah where it by-passes Salt Lake City and cuts north to Ogden that is simply gorgeous.

Where are the best truck stops in your opinion?

Oh I dunno... the TA truckstop in Walcott, Iowa is kinda neat cos it's the largest in the country. It's like a little city, just with really big vehicles. Also, Dixie's in Effingham, IL on Route 66 has a very historic feel about it. My favorites are the old two-story TA truckstops, the few that are still around. There's one in Wheeling, WV and one in Gary, IN off the top of my head.

Did you go to Truckin' School? Where?

Yes. 16 day course in Lexington, KY... my home town.

Feel free to ask away. If you want, try and catch me online and IM me sometime if ya wanna just go nuts with the questions. I'm most easily "caught" on MSN messenger, but it's rumored that I show up on Yahoo and AIM every now and then.

As far as other trucker journals go, my favorite is kept by kaseymoe. He's a slip-seat driver based out of Kansas City, MO (KC, MO - get it?). He doesn't update very frequently but when he does it's a joy to read, and his entries are particularly truck-geeky. I've recently friended a young lady driver by the name of jeananne who team drives with her sister. I haven't been reading her journal very long, so I'm not really qualified to comment on the content. Also, if you check out my memories, you'll see some subcateogries for "photojournals" and "travelogues" which contain all my exploits over the past year and half. You might find them interesting.

  • 1